<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Saturday, May 28, 2005

I Omit by now I have been feeling a bit bruised and battered in the blogging world, I've licked my wounds and they have healed up scrumptiously. I am back and as cute as ever! LOL Intertextual take note<- :)

Over the years I've had few good friends and many aquantences. One that comes to mind was one of my first gay friends Ross Mcrae I hope I got that right! He was the typical club boy look and attitude of the late 90's early 00's...Tyte pants and little shirts with make up and sparkles! For some reason he hated me and I of course hated him, we where both living in small city British Columbia! The city of Kamloops or as I like to affectionately call it FruitLoops LOL. He was there to go to esthetics school and I was there for University psychology/Sociology double major...

So after months of are sorted leering at one another, You know those typical gay boy trying to look menacing and bad boyish twisting and contorting our faces in all sorts of contemptuous grins trying to look menacing but in truth just looking silly and showing others are maturity and lack of chivalry! I think it was that we where to alike to even think about liking each other, or was it the we where both to pretty to be friends one would out shine the other and we couldn't have that in small city BC where the pickings where slim to nothing as far as men where concerned, unless you wanted grandpa passed out in his car at the local park with his dick in his hand! Not.

My point being is that we some how became friends I think we both realized that it was to small a town to be holding a grudge and fight with each other! We where now officially the Oh look here comes them couple! You know the ones everyone likes to talk about the ones everyone wanted to have sex with and then move on fast! We may have been something to look at twinks! But nothing upstairs made the attempt at relationship tumultuous if not dangerous! It was great we would spend hours together getting ready for the once a month gay dance at a local hall!(wow when I think back at my gay beginnings I'm amazed I made it out a there!) I would allays wear his clothes, seen as he was the big city boy and was the it guy as far as what a gay boy was to be adorning his blossoming gay viral young sexually charged and most definitely a young man who was exuding sexuality!

I shall never forget the bond we had! I learned so much from him, after a year or so he gave up on the hair and make up school and had enough of Kamloops and moved back to Vancouver! If it wasn't for his friendship I would have still been in Kamloops I'm sure! We talked on the phone all the time! He asked me to move to Vancouver, So I in a relationship that was not working and a heart that was bleeding over the loss of my first love, whom I still think about when I'm alone and feeling lost! He gave me a comfort and feeling of selflessness I struggle to find again! Anyway I packed up took my student loan money and took off! My first Bo that lasted a few weeks when I first came out a year or so before all this came up from Vancouver and moved me to Van and my first apartment at the corner of Denman and Haro Downtown Vancouver! 1865 Haro I shall never forget that place it's where I found my self and lost everything all in a few years! What a change to my new home Toronto! I miss the ocean! Hey we have a lake here but it smells bad!

I love Google maps check ou this satellite pic of my old building in Vancouver and this one of my new one in Toronto!

Here is a pic of the City of Kamloops I must admit I miss the simple life sometimes! Its a beautifull mountain city, I had some of my best years there! And I'll never for get the riverside park and my many nights there in the bushes!
While I'm at it I should show you all a pic of the strip here in Toronto.I've lived in 6 plus buildings in a few block radius from here in the past 5 years.

So Ross took me under his experienced gay wing and tried to guide me through the big city life style and urged me to make decisions in a good way! IE drug use. After several months of three of us sharing a place and my now working at The Odyssey, I loved that Job more on that place later, So I was not listening to his warnings about the party, to top it of there where several boys who he had known who where hitting on me or making conversation with me who he had had or had most assuredly wanted to have, opps our old rivalry hatched its ugly self again! True I loved it that boy he had wanted or that he had even been in a relationship for a few years wanted me! In fact one of them lives here in Toronto and I see him all the time! I think his name is Kevin! If you find this Ross email me I would love to see you I miss you! Are old ways and his words of warning where too much for me and we lost what was once a good friendship! I think things would be different now, I was to young and wanted everything at once. He told me once that he couldn't sit by and watch me destroy my life, it hurt him too much that I didn't take what he said seriously! I did but the truth was after being alone for so many years to have this new found popularity was over whelming for me a drug in its self! I was hooked instantly to the boys the night life, the drugs the booze! It was all no one was going to stop me no one!

This brings me to my for a very short time Blog rival Vividblurry! Like I said I linked to him some time ago, he reminds me of myself seven years ago in some ways, remember people I'm only 31, I was very happy to get an email from him apologizing very sincerely for his post! I responded by asking if this was a joke and he saved face by genuinely being apologetic!

Some times friendships come out of the most difficult beginnings! I know it was a bit heated and I was a bit reactionary! Its somewhat like hey don't you dare I've been there and know what your thinking! Once a twink You keep part of that mentality even if your 31 one now, I've been there done that as they say!

Here is a few excerpts from his emails you decide for your self there where some very strong words in the comments, I say to you all that they may have been very valid and his comment about HIV was below the belt, but I'm willing to forgive and move on...Who knows this could be a new and enduring side to his personality! I guess we will see!

Toby of Vivvidblurry wrote to me

I'm sorry for writing that nasty entry about you.

It was mean spirited

I hope I did not hurt your feelings. :(

I'm slowly getting better at not being so quick to judge, and I'm sorry for taking things out on you.

I must admit I didn't see this coming and, well I'm glad to see it happened. I'm keeping an open mind, Like my above mentioned friend Ross you never know where a relationship spawn from conflict can go!

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Sunday, May 22, 2005

Hmm here is another guy I've linked to for some time, Now he comments on me. Its strange how some of these guys who I either looked up to or where inspired to blog by now are putting there mark here! I am not sure how I feel when I am complimented sort of and criticized at the same time! I think it's in part because in my circle in real life no one would dare talk down to me, at least not to my face, to many people I know have too much to lose if they did! A fellow Canadian at that and a west coaster to! Hmm I wonder if I had known this guy when I was there I did after all work at a bar there called the Odyssey! I wonder if I tuned him down or slept with him way back then! Hmm I guess we will never know? Joking god do I have to put this LOL besides everything I say that is tainted by my sly sense of humour? Get it people please! I have a strange sense of humour Dry and not that good...LOL will follow from now on so I am more understood than it a pear I am being!

One thing I do not take well is when people make fun or criticized me, not something I like to talk about lots but when I was a kid I was alone usually and very introverted, I was picked on and teased on a daily basis! I was a loner you could say, not by choice! Having a drug addicted mother who moved every few months made it hard to have any friends, I was tormented and beat up several times as well! Things changed once I moved out on my own and into foster care, but it was hard and now I get very defensive, really after facing death this past few years I really need to find other things to be worried about than who on here decides to talk about me! Like I said and will reaffirm to my self Its what I get, this is part of blogging and opening your self up to the net! Still the boy in my gets very defensive and I degrees into a scared kid in the corner looking around wondering why everyone is so scared to talk to me or what I did to get this!

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Saturday, May 21, 2005

ManCandy get your ManCandy Here!

They represent Toronto's gay community with flare and are on to something I say!

The event last night was without a doubt a 100% success.

You can find some pics here of all the fab people there last night!


So it's a great day in the Mega City metropolis city of
Toronto...

I am out to get some sun, not that I need it I have a very nice tan if I do say so myself! and hey never the modest one I do!

I am so happy to have been picked on by some of my fellow bloggers in fact I am honored in a way that Vividblurry decide to do what he did after the initial sting...Its getting super busy around here and that can only be good because its inspired me to post more than ever!

Hey isn't that what the Hollywood types like the most when they are on the down slope! negative exposure can be a good thing I thought that the entire time! And hey I'm like I said not there for fame or fortune. My message is the key and the more that here it the more the better! If I can help one person I have succeeded! And I shall let you all in on something I have helped many, and especially the young ones who are inspired by me to be careful and not over do it! I will never get tired of saying in Moderation, its the secret to a happy gay life! Learn form others who have been there and you will come out a wise gay man it's a given!

Ok not that I care that much but I've been using a grammar checker program have any noticed a change at least a small one?

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An extension of myself this blog has become! 

So when you reach out and are attacked or made fun of it stings a bit!

Enough of that, I really am not the kind to carry a grudge in fact I should more often than I tend to. I think that in the reality of my life it would serve me in kind ten fold to not be a nice guy! How does one change the nature of their personality to be more, Hmmm lets say strong in a less a pealing way to others but in a way to protect ones self and interests? I ask of you.

In saying that this blog is an extension of myself I've come to realize that by doing so that is bloging, I have opened my life up to the on line world and should not be so inept and unreasonable when dealing with those who would criticize me! I shall be strong and take the hi road in moral temperament and bow down to those who would try to strike me! What I say here is I regardless of the format I choose to bring myself to it, The Internet/online world will accept me or leave me stay if you want please do not come back if you don't like what you see, it is I none the less.

It's funny I have been online since the Internet was in its infancy when many who are online now where children, I was writing computer code in the sixth grade, yet I never seemed to grasp the English language in all its complexities. I have contemplated it many times and in my past I've just considered it a non issue. My point if it comes across, I am served well. I see the English language as an evolving entity and the way we use it in constant change, something I know many others see. So is it indulgent of me to see the way I choose to use it as such, an evolution, I really do not think that it's necessary to make it so complicated, I leave that to the history writers and teachers in the world. Yes in some instances it is necessary to be formal but this is a Journal a diary that I've chosen to open to the world, for all to see. I've invited you in to my personal space, would you come in to my home and criticize me, should I take it? Yes! But only if it's in your space, I welcome you come in sit down but do not make me regret it, for I am a good person, I will make you feel welcome, show you a good time, show you my pain, ask for your shoulder, trust you, This is I. I should be more protective of myself I know, in a way this blog is a natural evolution of my self to the Internet and in doing so it makes sense that certain real life situations will play out here to. I can turn it of, stop doing it, I will not though I will keep it up, the secret is that this medium serves me very well, it grounds me, helps me sort out my feelings, calm my nerves. I am confident this is why in the past others put to paper their thoughts and feeling in the original version of the blog a Diary / journal. How brilliant a concept, I do it not for fame or fortune or for self glory/and not for pity, to be popular No. I do it for my sanity my health my life!...

So stay sit down join me for a while but please do not be rude in my space.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<-and if I want to put a thousand of these her I will so There Hahahaa!

Ok I just watched Star Wars III! How cools was that movie, and I found it the bit torrent way...Nothing like a film to wake you up in the morning. I give it a 9.9 hey I'm biased how many of us in are early thirties stayed up late renting the first three on video, I've seen them dozens of times it's only normal for a man who grew up on TV and Movies, I don't give credit often but when credit is due I'll give it! You American boys sure know how to whip a film up! I tell you, that being said us Canadians know that many of the peoples in Hollywood are Canadians..So it's something we do very well together! We should try other things and see what happens! Hmmm a concept No?

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Friday, May 20, 2005

So you know I'm not the most talented at grammar I think I get my point across that's the most important thing to me, I'm not publishing a book here for sale C'mon guys give me a break

I feel like I may have to turn on the bitch inside me!

I retired the nasty name calling finger pointing attitude riddled bitch several years ago....

But after thinking more about it I shall keep it under control and be the mature guy that I've become over the past few years, I learned back then that when your a nasty bitch that thinks you can outsmart everyone and think you know better than everyone...You end up alone and nothing but a bitter nasty name calling fag at the end of the night with nothing but a sore arm from your finger up your ass all night and a foul smelling mouth from sucking on your nasty self in a tempt to come across as clean when your nothing but a pathetic ass kisser who jumps on the latest trend. You find your self a shell of a man that hides the true nature of your self which is a man that is week, empty, a person who needs to ridicule others for self gain. You hurt so much that you have to project your pain on others, why because its the easy way out, and your all about that. Its when you realize its all about how you interact with the world is when you will be a man I want to know, you get what you give out!...Its to bad others have to make fun. I don't understand why others feel the need to make jokes about me on there blogs.

The saying goes you should worry when they stop talking about you! But still being called a retard by this boy who obviously is looking for attention hit below the belt, I think I will stop looking at the site meter if I'm going to start getting more personal attacks from people like that, especially guys I wouldn't even consider talking to I have my standards they may be low but I do have my limits and after seeing that guy they have been once again reaffirmed! After all a guys charity work can only go so far and I'm booked up solid, with the many fundraisers I'm helping with..I couldn't possibly take on another charity case....

All I can say is not me I am not bitter, I shall leave that to the nasty ugly fags out there!

One thing I will never understand is why so many nasty men in looks and mental capacities think they have the right to carry an attitude towards others. It's more often the guy you would walk past on the street and not even notice I find who is the worst one, the most deprived one who develops the fiercest insecurities and feels the need to lash out...

It's my opinion that you have to have the looks to carry an attitude, if you don't have it then you just look and sound stupid.

The secret is to know if you have it or not, and if you do, to only use it when needed..Other wise you look like a fool. There are so many guys out there that are just plain ugly inside. The ones you here bashing everyone and at the end of the day complaining about there miserable state.

Please, I know from personal experience the rude nasty ones are always the loneliest ones.

I Think it's a faze you go through some of us out grow it others don't its sad really it is I feel sorry for them!

The wonderful thing about all this is I've been on so many different journeys through life that I can see things from many varying points of view, to have low life middle class gay boys poke fun of me is really not that significant to me, I think you guys should really be pointing your fingers at your selves and trying to fix the sad state of your mental capacity for kindness and compassion to your fellow man!

I can walk the walk and talk the talk, not that I like to self flatter my self but just so you know when I walk by everyone notices me! Why you may ask...Several reasons, I always have a smile on my face, a kind word to say, even if your nasty to me, I don't discriminate to the boys who where not blessed in the genetics department, when you meet me I am welcoming, I have a natural way to make others feel comforted and relaxed, and to top that all of, I am a pleasure to look at from front to back to top to bottom!. Well now you know all my secrets...Don't hate me because I'm gorgeous :) and a nice guy, hate me if I am an ass and just plain stupid, we all know there is just no excuse for nasty queens. With one exception to the rule the ones who are truly stupid you know the ones, we have all met a few, you wonder how does he make it through life? Can someone actually be that stupid? Well yes, Some of them even read this blog, much to my amusement trying to figure out how people like that managed to get online! I guess I blame the get everyone else to do it for me generation for that, hey I don't need to know a thing I'll just call someone to do it! Any idiot can make a phone call!

You see people they are the ones we take care of and forgive after all you cannot help genetics your either born with it or your not!

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Wow my hits sky rocketed in the last 20 four hours!

Here at the X party Boy's site I've reached a mile stone in my blogging life 30 000 hits to the blog!. Thanks in no part to the blogger who I've dedicated in part this post to!

It's funny he says in this
post that he just came across my blog recently, I've linked to his blog since practically the beginnings of my Blog.

So I look at the site meter and see over 100 plus hits form a site I linked to a few years back one of the first blogs I stumbled across!

Vividblurry

So after I went to his site I was a bit surprised to see what he said about me!. I am not sure how to take his comments about me.

I would like to say I do not smoke crack and I do not use crystal meth. I do have a disease I've been poz for five years now and struggled with the reality by escapism, more often than not through alcohol.

After finding out I had pancratites at a young age comparatively to others, I've had to stop drinking and choose to live a clean live, I still have A drink on occasion but nothing like before!. I keep my self busy and have a very strong presence in the gay community here in Toronto.

What I've put to words in this post is nothing I have not spoke about before on this blog. Like many gay men I've had my issues and party favors have been one over the years, like I've said before my destructive lifestyle in the past has led me to a life now with health issues.

Would I have not done what I did if I had known the consequences...probably not. I can only stress to others through my blog and in my personal life to others that moderation is key to a healthy life. IF you play hard you are going to fall hard.

Grammar has never been a strong point in my life. I make no apologies for the style I publish my blog. I have been ridiculed in the past for my use of the exclamation mark and try to use it sparingly. I'm still trying to figure out why I have a hankering for the punctuation mark!

I guess in a way I am trying to give my posts some feeling or let you all know that what I've stated here is to me A way of stressing that I am excited or there is more emotion to what I've said. I do not know. When I blog its more often than not thoughts that I am having that come out in a semi random un structured way. I like to keep it that way. I think by not editing what I say here, I come across as more real. Sure I could spend hours making sure the post is presented in an academic grammatically proper way. But I simply cannot be bothered.

Run on sentences have been a problem for me since as far back as I can remember. In fact I distinctively remember several report cards in grade school that my teachers commented on the very same thing!

As I've said before this is I, my life..Un scripted and unedited...the real me!
Take it or leave it....

Oh yes and I am a hot catch by the way....get on my good side and I will send you a few pics of myself!


Ok I know my grammar is not to many peoples liking. So to show that I can put down my thoughts to a medium such as this blog in some what of a grammatically correct way, I've edited and tried my best to show I do have the ability if needed. I hope you are all feeling good now and your brains are at ease!. But do not get used to it this is not going to be a new turn of style for me. So bite it, or if you prefer suck on it or how about just Blow me!, you do not even have to ask nice!


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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

As you may have seen I've decided to share what I'm up to again!

So I added a link to a Fab Gay Radio station....

Some of my friends DJ on it plus I've helped them with some of my clients to sponsor them! In particular there up coming launch party at 5ive night club here in Toronto...My fave club now with a new look its something to see...you like to party but are not into the Fly crowd its a nice alternative.....plus there are far to many cute boys to meet....Look for me in the VIP area chatting up all the other fab boys and girls who make it all happen....

The ManCandy party is may 20...look for me there with some fab friends of mine to celebrate this new member of our community!

to the right you will find the link take a look


On an other note I've been booked to have a ct-scan today how fast was that! So I'm of to the hospital for noon to get scanned to see what the doctor did or more to the point what the doctor didn't do! Looks like I will have an update on that sooner than expected!

Have a fabulous week....

Don't forget to look at my previous post if your coming here to Toronto for Pride....

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Monday, May 16, 2005

Ok this is so fabulous, the other day I noticed the cat sitting on a chair by the balcony, I was thinking why is he sitting there! Hmmm then I noticed the bird on the balcony! It was singing very loud and very chipper and cheery sounding! I love it in the urban chaos that the birds still are able to make a life for them selves! So I think he is just sitting there hanging, then I see an other one the female...Hmmm they have decided to create a nest on my balcony on some lattice up for the flowers....How cool is that....My room mate and I are like little kids all excited over a new family pet, pondering the cat and what to do! Poor kitty is now officially locked out of the balcony till the new family is done...We are already planning on helping them with some seeds and there is a water fountain on my balcony already how cool is that for them! They will be the happiest little Finches is the Hood!

I found this pic scroll to the bottom of the page, I haven't got a close look but I think its a Finch its all red on the chest..I'll get a closer look and fill you all in on the new fab exciting balcony bird family!


Wow I had my first official orgy last Wednesday....

I was at the most fab bath here in Toronto SteamWorks.....

Five guys lined up on my bed oh my, I had to leave the room and get a handful of condoms it was to funny....Had another three way this time I was on the top not in the middle that was fun...What a hot feeling up a guys but when he is cuming.....oh boy..memories I tell you from that night....I had three guys buts in all and several big dicks that where far to big for my mouth to get around...ouch....And the next day I could barley walk! Seriously I had a work out that night some muscles I hadn't used in a while where so sore I had a hard time walking the next few days....

IN other news I've been to the Surgeon, now he says to me that I may have post operative complications or a new cysts has formed on my pancreas...Hmmm like I didn't already think that! So what is next? more tests scans the like I've been through so many times before...More on that in a few months after the scans....

Pride is soon here in Toronto, I'm as per going to be very very busy....there is double the amount of parties to go to this year, so instead of 6 or so there is over 10 and guess what I'm involved with many of them.....

This year is going to be crazy in fact I took this past weekend of to rest up for the storm that is about to hit this city, with two major groups of pride parties and all the promo that will need being done along with several other things I'm up to. it will be 16 hour days seven days a week.....That's no kidding there I don't think many guys know what goes into the big events they travel all around the world to see, its not just call a few places get a DJ and bam a party.....

If your on your way to Toronto look into this party that I'm helping with


RISE Pride Weekend Toronto

The guys behind RISE are the best promoters in Toronto! Gary Brown, as well as Jason Ford who is the one who brought you Unity in past years..So look for a good party in the style you expect from Toronto Canada's largest city and one of the worlds gayest places....

I'm especially recommending the Eden party.....:)
I've been involved with this party of and on for the past few years
Check them out and also some of there sponsors and in doing so helping me out.....
Its going to be one big big year here in Toronto so if you haven't made plans yet get you buts up here its going to be fab.....


This year wouldn't be complete with out me helping with Fashion Cares the AIds Committee of Toronto's fundraiser....

On Saturday, June 4, 2005,
East Meets Western
Experience a one-of-a-kind cultural explosion at the 19th annual Fashion Cares. East Indian movie glamour collides with Western rodeos to combust in M·A·C VIVA GLAM Bollywood Cowboy.

LATEST NEWS

? Jann Arden performs two songs from her newest album, including her hit "Where No One Knows Me"
? Feist joins the entertainment line-up. With her hit album "Let It Die", the Canadian singer is earning international raves.
? Other confirmed entertainers include the Brazilian Girls and the Panjabi Hit Squad.
? Buy customized Levi's© denim jackets signed by Cher, Céline Dion, Duran Duran, 50 Cent, Ashlee Simpson and Shania Twain in our advance eBay auctions.
? Download the new Scissor Sisters track, "Backwoods Discotheque," and 100% of the proceeds will be donated to ACT.

With over 5,000 people expected to attend, Fashion Cares stands as Canada's largest and most sensational AIDS fundraiser.



As well I'm helping with Folsom Fair North three
The world?s sexiest & hottest leather and fetish lovers will again converge on Toronto for FOLSOM FAIR NORTH III this July! they are a charitable organization that supports the Aids Committee of Toronto

We are excited to announce that FFN3 Weekend will take place Friday, July 15, 2005 ? Sunday, July 17, 2005 ? plan to take Monday off! We are honoured by the recognition we have received from all over the world and especially? being called ?one hot mother-fu***er? by Instigator Magazine, "The Best Event to Attend in Toronto" and "the one of the top 8 Best Destinations in the World Outside the US" by Instinct Magazine, & recently being nominated ?Largest Event of the Year? by Pantheon of Leather.

This is just a few things I'm involved with it just keeps getting larger every year!


So if your not into the big circuit parties than come out and support the local Aids charities

Also if any of this does not get you going also look at the other options for Pride here in toronto that I"m helping with

The big party of last year that is doing it again Prism,

They have assembled all the top promoters here in Toronto who are my friends so please go out and support them as well, we are a very hard working group of very dynamic people who do it all for you!

With then bringing in Boy George and many of the top club land entertainers of today with a big budget look for them to be a good choice and hey if you have the cash why not go to all the parties.....Look for me at the main event here with my vip pass chatting up Boy George.....

hey when your an insider you get a few perks....Just like I found a pic of my self and Simone Denny on her web site at a Fab party with Jai from Queer Eye I helped with last year...Love them back stage passes..Its to bad I don't remember even meeting him..Wow was I drunk that night!...

But seriously me and my crew work very very hard its all for you guys so when you see us out there say hi, be nice and know that its all about You and a good time for you...Be responsible, play safe, use safe, know your limits, know when to say NO....If you follow these few things you will be ok....Overindulgence is your worst enemy...and never ever forget your only as strong as your weakest link!

If you wonder why does he involve himself with both events two competing parties, well I'm about the new way of doing things here in Toronto..Sure its about money to the people who put them on to a point, but how could I feel good about myself if I didn't let you know about everything......I'm about working together to support my community, there for I try to be friends with everyone, if I can't I can't but I try and keep it together..Drama free for me....Anyone who follows gay toronto politics will know what I'm talking about......

Peace and Big Hugz to you alll

And to my critics out there Now you see what I've been up to!

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Sunday, May 08, 2005

Ok I said I'm at the bath once or twice I never said I was there every day...C'mon don't read in to what I say.....I said I should talk more about my sex life then say I should have more of it meaning that its not that much of one..Yes I talk about my sex life on here when its worth saying something about..I'm far from a slut...I have a dry sense of humor I guess it doesn't come of well here.....I try and come of as sarcastic in regards to my sex life I say a few things and now I'm at the baths all the time.....Once or twice a month if that..And my health is ok...IT never did get better I was ok after my operations for a few weeks and then it started to get worse..It didn't bother me as much till this past month or so till I started to get very busy, I'm doing very good and not abusing my body, compared to what I used to be like yes I slip its very hard to change my life style when you know one and it was such a big part of it!

IF you pay close attention to what I say here I've stated that I'm not giving up every detail about my life on here anymore, that people I know read this, I stated that my operation was not a success that it didn't work....

If you have a comment and its more personnel in nature please email me, I love comments but please know what your saying and don't make assumptions about me or my life style....From the last comment it sounds like I'm a drugged out drunk at the baths every night! far from it.....SO I had a good time a couple times at the baths the past few months and a few good nights with a fuck buddy of mine and now I'm destroying my life? I don't want you all to think that is who I am..I'm not....

I've become very, very busy....In fact there is a very large part of my life I don't talk about on here...Its to protect my self.....I think I may start a new blog and only let certain people know about it and keep it private so I can explore more of who I am with my long time readers....ITs sad but the medium has proven to be harmful to me personally in my day to day life, and I can't let that happen I have far to much to loose...

In fact I'm seriously thinking about ending this blog for good, I've lost interest in it in some ways, and it seems like I'm not coming across in the way I want or thought I was, It could just be a few who read between the lines when there is no reason to be doing so I'm not sure!

I'm very happy in many ways, Just very very discouraged that the operations where not helpful and that I'm going to have to endure another summer of pain and pain meds....I've been sparing you all the details about it and trying to talk about the good points in my life, them being the sex and the odd thing I'm up to...

I've decide to make this about that and less about my health and what I do for a living and so on, the less I put out there the more I feel safe that I will not hurt my interests or others who I am involved with...Seen as I'm very hi profile in the community here in Toronto I think that this blog will never be what it was....

Its my life in edited form, from now on! So if I only talk about my sex life its not and is far from the only thing in my life..Just what I'm willing to share..

That may change in the future but its where I am now....

I'm very tired I was at the hospital all day My dam pancreas is acting up again...I have been slowly trying to get of the pain meds but its just not going to happen...My doc doesn't want to accept the fact that the operation didn't work...its crazy I understand that as a doctor there may be a sense of failure but I can't have that come between me leading a pain free life..If I need to spend the rest of my life on pain meds so be it at least it will be a life that is not full of pain deep piercing pain...Like I've said before this pain is like cancer. the only thing worse pain wise is cancer..I've been told....

So when I talk about it on here its bad and I'm hurting other wise Im ok.....You know when I'm not here much its because I'm hurting and or busy and or resting because of the hurting and so ON....Its an endless circle I've been through over and over on here hence me not going into it any more on here...Trust me when Its over I'll be here first to tell you all other wise take it from me Its on going and will from the way it looks be here till my end!

Ok Are we clear now...

On to happy things....

I'm on church street a few weeks ago a guy is really giving me the I want you looks! I play shy, he follows me for a block comes into the store and hands me his number it says his name and call me any time! It made my day...I should call him its been three weeks or more I bet he thinks I was not interested..I am he is cute, its the HIV thing I would hate to call tell him and then get rejected...hey but I will never know unless I try right? So I will let ya all know what happens K

About the questions I'm getting to them soon, plus not one pic was sent to me! Hmm You can't tell me no one wants nice pic of my big dick for trade and its a good pic I have up for offer!

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Friday, May 06, 2005

Hi all!

Still waiting for a few more questions I'm aiming for 10 then I'll answer them...The way things are going I'm going to start updating the Blog Once a week one Monday to Wednesday....

I'm trying to keep it all together with my dam Pancreas killing me still.....I'm of to the hospital tonight to get some help with the pain its killing me......

About the party its all about who you are around, if your around people who party you are going to party....Keep it real if you don't want it,stay away!..Its hard, In moderation I say, if you can't do that than you should just stay away! It will be hard and lonely, the thing is you will have your health and life, its for some..One or the other....

Look back soon for an extensive update on my goingons...

Be strong people and do it fro you be happy its all about you Your #1 never forget that!

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Sunday, May 01, 2005

I don't evan have time to do the laundry anymore!, if I'm at home I'm tired and or sleeping....Would anyone miss me if I stopped blogging....I've thought about it, I just can't get out a my mind that this place will come back to haunt me one day....

I could change the format completely and just talk about my sex life! That could be fun...Ah but I would have to have more of that than I do, or would I just need to start taking more mental notes....It seems from the web sites I'm on to meet guys for sex I could have one or two or more a day, as many as I could handle!...It's crazy the amount of guys on them sites.....

So I'm going to try something new....

Ask me a question, I know its not an original idea! But it's new for me....So ask me what ever you want...send me some naughty pics of yourself and I'll send you mine....
That should spice things up around here.....Your comments are always welcome they make me feel like I'm doing this for a reason other than for myself!

Hugz to you all:)

All The Best!

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