<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Here is a pic I've been wanting to share for some time..As you will see I'm a bit whiter looking, the benefits of being a rep for a Tanning salon are evident in the last pic I posted....Not the best pic of me but I wanted to share it none the less

The pic is of Simone Denny of (Love Inc) and you all know her now as the theme music of Queer eye....Me in the middle and a friend of Mine Jaime Crouch from Thunderstar present who helped me with My Colt Studio event last year here in Toronto...Colt Studio Group & Buckshot Productions International Release Party of "BuckleRoos" October 23, 2004

I love her and remember her fondly from the old days specifically songs like Your a Super Star and Broken Bones...the later being a theme song of mine for several years when I was a Busser in several gay clubs in Vancouver in the 90's....Wow have times changed....

This is as much for you as me as I know you will read this, please know this is where I sort out my life, I love you and care about you! C____

So about matters of the heart, So I need some advice from my readers....I've met this guy and now twice he has come into my life and then left for several reasons a couple of them being...he thinks says he is in love with another guy and me, lives with the other guy...Has a life with him that is beyond what I would call un healthy.(some reasons being drug use and abuse from aforementioned boyfriend/roommate depending on how things are and if the boyfriend decides he wants him rather than a previous live in boyfriend...next reason has never been with a guy who is poz and verbally berated by the other guy about it....told he is a room-mate then when he is brave enough to try and have a life i.e. with me we spend time together he realises hey maybe I still want him...a guy from what I see he has no respect for, who in a whim or mood will turn on him humiliating him with out consideration for his feelings..very selfish...Not to mention name calling of me who he doesn't know...This is just a bit of the complicated set of circumstances....

He says he loves us both, when times are bad the past month or two he is calling me, then the ex/on of boyfriend room-mate decides he is not to be doing what he does and threatens him to be kicked out, fully knowing he will run back to him because he is so scared of being homeless...its a vicious circle that I if I had known what I was getting into would have been apprehensive to say the least to get involved with....But I am now

The other part is the time we spend together has been great, there is something about him I'm gravitated to, something pulls me in..there are a few things I've figured out so far, One being the look in his eyes when we are together...the way he looks at me...The fact we have been texting and emailing each other for weeks and developing a bond...the fact he wants me I know he does and I want him he knows this...I've made it way to clear....

So what to do, you know the saying set him free and if he loves you he will come back...Well I did one time and he came back....Only to be yanked away from me under duress...hardship and pain, being beat and struck down left shattered and torn by someone who he says to me he still loves while he is in my arms only the day before professing his love for me, that he has many, many times....Me not so many times until this past few days did I let him know how I felt...well one time..I was scared he would run of again...I was right, I can only now show my convictions, As you all know on here I'm a very passionate person, strong and know what I want most times...I've way to many times just given up or let people wander out of my life either because I'm self doubting my self or there intensions or both...Its not that simple really....

When It comes to matters of the heart I've seen my share of heart ach, this guy needs me I know he does, If you have been reading this blog since the beginning you will know about my past relationships, how I was held back and used and abused, both the victim and the victimiser...Something I have learned so much from and want to share point infact the birth of this blog being because of very similar feelings and emotions life!

Ok SO there is lots to think about, simply speaking what is it all about, Love, happiness, taking risks, jumping in head first, with out risks you will never get what you want....

Read between the lines....not to much though

Songs I'm listening to as of late...

Whitney Houston - It's Not Right But It's OK (Thunderpuss Club Mix)
Waiting For Tonight (Tecno Club Mix)
Waves Of Luv (The Disco Boys Full Vocal)
Keep On Moving (Ultimix) Soul II Soul
Wanna Be An Angel (Art Of Trance vs dba remix)Matt Darey Pres Tekara Feat Xa
Hung Up (SDP's Extended Dub)Madonna, Confessions On A Dancefloor
California Dreamin' (Tek House Single)Royal Gigolos, remix heaven 2005


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