<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Hey all...Sorry for the down mood on the blog the past few weeks....

Its so up and down for me....I'm looking forward to moving....I really do believe it will be good to be out of where I am now...Its a nice place but not to clean....it could be, but then I would be doing all the cleaning..Not! When you have lived with room mates for 15 years and your 31 you know if you start that.. your the live in maid.....Plus I clean its hotel standards! five star..the rom-mate wipes the top of the counter with a wet paper towwel and says the bathroom is cleaned please....God why can't I meet room mates who like to clean there bodies in a clean bath room.....

So I was at the doc he says Hmm test came back good on the pancreas so where does this go from here?...I'm still in pain its getting worse and he wants to now decrease the pain meds..great, I don't understand so for the next week I'll be in more pain because some test shows I'm not showing signs of pancreatitis....well its still there and it fucking hurts like a sun of a bitch...

try having gas bad bad gas that is multiplied by a 100 it can get that bad...not so much this past few months since the operations but its there and it impedes my day makes me not want to get out a bed and there for get more depressed....Shouldn't it be my choice to be on pain meds or not...If there is pain and then I take a pill and no pain the answer seems obvious take the pill...now I have been seeing this doc every week for years now 100s of times..I'm taken 1000's of morphine pills for this pain....I'm now on 15mg twice a day from 400 plus a day a few months ago...I've really had no problem getting down to that dose...In fact I feel more alive the less I take but then there is the pain...Now If I had to choose between being addicted to morphine and the pain I would take the pills...besides I'm already addicted to them....when I realize I may not have enough of them for the day I start to panic its very bad news....I'm now on celebrex as well for the joint pain doesn't seem to be working.....

so I think I will be looking into a new doc to see about my pancreas....could I have side effects from the operations..did he do something wrong that he wouldn't tell me last time I saw him when he told me to eat more freaking fiber...oh man that pissed me off...I'm in this pain and you want me to eat more fiber..I eat lots a fiber I eat more fruit and veggies than everyone I know for crist sake...I think I've seen my room mate eat fruit 5 times or so in a year...I've lived with people who cringe at fresh food...It kills me..If I didn't fuck up my health I would be stronger than ever now....I still look like a teen for bloody sake...good for a gay man in his 30's yes but not when you try to get some one to take you serious...my own doctors secretary the other day thought I was 23...I'm like didn't you look at my file...Hmmm

Ok I'm going on a ramble here.....

So I didn't call the guy, I'm thinking after the mess I made at his house he was turned of me big time...or maybe he is waiting for me to call I don't know..I'll give it one more day...then again I was the one always calling him so....I'm thinking he is not a phone kind a guy.......

Thinking about Mexico again...friends of mine who do the big Latin Fever party down there have invited me the past few years to go there and work for with them....I think I should go this year.....I want to get away it could be good... live down there for a month or so with my friends make some cash come back when winter is over...like they do...Its perfect....the only thing is my health I'm scared to death of something going wrong down there......

I was talking with a friend who says he has a friend who is sic down there and how he wants to bring hiv meds to him.....I wish I could help but I need the ones I take....anyone out there who has extra meds let me know and lets see if we can get them to this guy he is not doing well...Its such a shame to think all I have to do is go to the drug store show a card and get 1000's worth of drugs for free to stop from dyeing and this guy only because of where he is has to die....email me if you can help I will send you in the right direction....

So its getting cold here in Toronto again it seems like summer just started and its now two shirt at night and socks weather already..Dam winter is fast here to come..or fall..there doesn't seem to be one here its warm then cold...every one here are way to funny when it comes to patios and restaurants though...it will be frosty and they are still trying to sit out side...I can't help but to giggle at them...coming from a place where summer starts in April May....to here where its June...In fact in Vancouver some patios are open all year...

Ok I'm on a roll here one last thing I'm adding links to my site every few days it seems... So take a look at them....plus link them on your site if you like them.....I can't believe how many hits I'm getting a day....its getting busy around here...close to 2300 a month...that's something I'd say...to read about my crazy life too.. couldn't figure out why but hey..Luv ya all the same no mater if you like to look at my craziness...I won't hold it against ya all...

Peace luv all that happy stuff

Night Night wow long time since I signed of with that one....

All The Best

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