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Sunday, July 31, 2005

Every few years I go into this mode where I reevaluate everything in my life...It most often is triggered by a period of stress or depression...Both I'm suffering from the past month....I'm not happy with every aspect of my life.....My health being key to everything....My latest cd4 count 140!!! been that way for months...Viral load undetectable or below 50. At least I'm happy about that...That's good but I feel like crap....I can't focus and am not motivated at all.....All I seem to be able to is go out a few times a week sleep for days and do it all over again....I can't keep my room clean and my self for that matter.....

Its time for a big change....I can feel it coming...I may be forced into it or take the steps my self...Not sure what it will be but its big...And I'm almost there.....It could be a move across the county, to Montreal...Not sure or a move to a new apartment, A drastic change in life, my behavior...I don't know...I'm thinking about going on anti depression meds again to see if its that first and go from there....

I'm sorry to anyone who reads this who knows me personally and has been affected by my latest round of life......I think I'm on an outward step from this IT seems to be every few months I go through this I don't know why but its really hard to keep it together right now....

I'm outz

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