<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Ok after a night and day of hell I'm ok! Refer to previous post. Body felt like it was out of mind or mind out of body! Can you say hyperventilating! muscle spasms, numbness in all parts of my body! Hyper sensitization to everything! Hmmm that will teach me for being a lazy ass and not getting to the drugs store hey a day of pain med withdrawal will toughen ya up! Hey when you don't know what's worse the dam pain you are trying to fight or the bloody drug withdrawals from the one thing that helps fight the dam pain! Now am I going to end up like several others in the world with a bad habit afterwards! You name it I've done it many many times and when I say many there is a reason why I call this Blog X Party Boy! I've been on all sides of the party world. So when I say I have experience with this stuff trust me I was on every side of the party business at one time or other but no chemical was like how I felt when coming down of the pain med than ever before! I tell ya! It was a son of a bitch, in fact I was at the docs office Monday morning and I couldn't breath or talk, I got my meds from the pharmacy and then started to relax I was in so much pain but the withdraws seemed to help distract me from it Plus seen as I've been in this pain for 2 + years I've come to control or tolerate A Higher level of pain, mind over body. That kind of thing...Oh it was strange the feeling, it was sort of like a real bad trip on E and LSD combined plus all the twitching from coke or crystal hec add some K or G in there to! I've had many days when there was a combination of several or all in me at one time! Get the point not fun! My doc warned me but I was not expecting it to be this bad, I'm confidant that once I have this operation I should be off the meds slowly we plan to reduce the amount I'm on till I no longer take it! Oh boy an other battle I shall no dought win but one I'm not to happy to have burdened with considering what I've been through. I only hope that this will be my last trip to the hospital for some time! Note: I had said it was my appendix coming out oops did I say that? I should have said my gull bladder, hmm that would explain the gull stones the doc talked about and his assistant told me today when we talked about my pre operative appointment next week that the cause of my pancreatites may be from in part due to the gallbladder and or stones, Hmm I love it when I get more info out of the help! Heck why she should be there helping with the operation scalpel please secretary Betty boo! Whatever serious though I'm 100% freaking scared out a my mind I was talking to my roommate today about a will and what to do with my stuff If I should not make it, you know Die Bite the big one! Ascend to nothing ness! Dramatic yes but when you sign a form talking about severing a major artery in your body and removing parts of you and then cutting your stomach open and stitching another organ to it! C'mon plus there is the hernia that was caused the first time when I had a gad awful tube coming out a me! Did I ever mention on here how it started to leek bile or gastric fluids out around the surface of the tube and then ooze out of me onto my lower stomach around my belly button and then proceed to eat away at my flesh! Lovely isn't it! And you think its your liver that gets all fucked up from drinking and drugs well think twice! Its your entire body one part or another will give out if you abuse your self on a daily basis! Oh if I had only known how dreadfully cliché! I know but this is me going through my thoughts about the whole dam thing! I put down here a constant flow out of me one thought triggers the next and so on! But its long and I need to get back to my SG-1 SE7 EP10 Remember the one where the frozen aliens where all in Daniels head and the boy was one of them I was in tears when the father told him he would have to sacrifice him! That's one thing I missed in life was a father I still ponder what it would have been like to have a father! Ya there was the boyfriends my mother took home but it wasn't the same! Anyway I don't get into my screwed up family on here for a good reason I can't put myself through it I forget for good reason! That's that!

ok so I'm outz!!!

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