<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

This is just far to stupid I love it Now if he was a buff guy that would be cool!!!!

subservient chicken

Ask him to roll over Fun funny to much....

Hmm now does this make me want to eat chicken more! Not?

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Monday, April 26, 2004

As I said I would do here is a part of my life when I was on crystal meth, as my intensions when starting this blog it was in part to share such stories so here is one and not the last for sure!

Let me take you on a trip back to around the late 90's...
The setting is in Vancouver, British Columbia I'm around 25 26 years old and in over my head in the club world!

Just a little bump, ahhhhh but it burns ouch but not for long....The rush the tingle up and down my body!
I'm a full fledged party boy at this point and just discovered crystal meth, its cheaper than coke and a bag last a lot longer...Hey its just once a week there is no harm there! Months go bye and the once a week was now every day, a day or two of sleep and a week of party, or what I thought was party...
I'm in the back of a Davie street hip clothing store with the owner of the store I just got him a gram or so, what's this a light bulb! Ya wrap it in paper towel and bust it up in the garbage can, now take the largest piece you can find, that's good now a straw a lighter and the crystal, inhale deep hold it in ahhhh the rush and its after noon so hey I'm ok after all I'm with the owner of this store everything must be ok....Fast forward a few months......I'm hi every day now, most of my day revolves around trying to get hi or working it selling drugs to keep me in my drugs! My nights are at the after hours dancing on G, sometimes a few E's but my favorite was always the crystal! By this point I'm living in a dirty end of the earth rooming house, more like an apartment but full of every street person you see during the day pan handling for change, I'm ok though it just a place to sleep right, wait I'm confused go back a few months...I'm hooked up with this crazy bald French coke dealer, he feels sorry for me I move in with him, I know he wants my sex he doesn't really care I use him he uses me, I'm still Hi every day, I'm now getting paid by the after hour clubs with drugs instead of cash, hey it worked for me, I've got my self a pipe now, forget burning my nose all to hell! Ahhhh I'm in the life go out promote a after hours get some drugs some drinks go to my room free base some crystal for the day and back out to the after hours for another night of party! But wait what this I'm starting to stay in for days, stop it stop talking to me, there is some one looking at me under the door, I can see them...No I'm seeing things I tell my self...Wait there is some one there...My ear to the door, can it be hours have gone by with my ear to the door on my knees looking under the door....Wait its out the widow some one is talking to me through the window, I can hear them there telling me I've been snorting drano up my nose and I'm going to dye...What's going on fuck stop bothering me....I wake up days later want to get more crystal.....I'm in my bed again Hi and the neighbor's are talking to me again, I'm so tired of them why can't I get away from them they are looking at me through my window, what is happening to me they are on my wall telling me to run run away there going to kill you if you don't get out, get out we are trying to help you run get your things and leave.....I keep thinking how do they know how can they be on my wall! I get my things I run out the apartment door bang on the neighbors door down the hall telling them that I'm going to be killed hide me hide me I'm so scared! I'm running down the street at this point I'm seeing red dots all over my body its them they are aiming there guns at me Im dead! Over there I hide in the bushes just hide here its ok they are not going to see you there, take a bump its going to be ok....I'm at a friends now, He sleeps on the floor I'm lying beside him he tells me to sleep its going to be ok....I'm dead I keep saying he keeps asking what I'm talking about are you ok are you ok, can't you see them can't you see them the red dots all over me its there guns there trying to get me....I can't stay here they will kill you to I have to go but there out there in the hall way I can't go! There every where what now, I call the police I'm calling the police I'm telling them about all the men with the guns there after me! I'm scared what do I do!....I'm running down the street I'm running help I see a friend there are you ok what happen to you why are you in your underwear, are you ok! What happen to you, I'm telling you I can't stop or they might get you I have to hide I have to run...I wake up at my friends the coke dealer days later!

Oh man this was a bit of a few weeks when I was going crazy from doing crystal meth....Its funny I can remember everything the reflection on the wall from the sun through the window thinking it was the people upstairs talking to me like a movie on the wall...I was having extreme paranoid delusions and I'm surprised I made it out of them alive half the time! I'm telling you I have many stories like this and they get very strange and it pains me that I can still get a taste in my mouth for the drug when I think about it, its a powerful drug and before you know it when your on it you are going crazy, you don't see it till after though after you get off of it...I had many many days of being on it with no sleep,you get schizophrenic you start to hear and see things that are not there, one of the things I used to always here was when I was in a bathroom with a fan I would here do you believe in love! the Cher song I would keep hearing it over and over do you believe...I would think I was going crazy and then what just have a big big bump...At my worst I was doing half gram lines of crystal and would be hi for weeks on end.....I'm warning anyone who has tried it to keep it away from you I lost everything from its power....The addiction will take over very fast and you will not have control until you hit the bottom like me Homeless on the streets of Vancouver, Crying on the phone to a friend in Calgary to go and stay with her...I saw the look on her face when I showed up she couldn't stop the tears I was a mess...I slept for a week on her couch before I woke to tell her what had happen to me!

I have many more stories of my paranoid dilutions I will share in the future, Oh boy I have to rest after that one I'm a mess! Its strange after 5 years now I still get watering of the mouth when I talk about the drug the way you do when your looking forward to that fine meal! or that hamburger when your very hungry!
Night Night

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Sunday, April 25, 2004

"how to take care of yourself after a night of party drugs"

This is what some one used on a AOL search to find my site! This makes me very very happy and feeling satisfied that part of my intensions with this blog are getting out there, It is out there and I'm reaching those who need to here what I have to say! About Being a Gay person dealing with the ever pervasive world of Drugs and Drinking and what they can do to you before you even know its coming! Its a fight that is the good fight so I'll keep trying as long as a can!

Later! And keep hope alive because your worth it!

Till next time!


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I was thinking about putting some pics of my self up on here! I'm thinking after a year on here some of ya must be very curious what I look like! Yes or No
Let me know and I will do it! You can email me or put you thoughts on the comments!
I'll be waiting to see if I should finally put a face to the words!

Sincerely
GCXPB
Ta Ta

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This is a re post of an entry I made to my Blog April 17 2003, I think its worth seeing again! I have a feeling that many who have been reading my blog may not have read some of the early posts, This one was about one of my first sex nights from the park the one in Kamloops I wrote about on April 19 2004....
I miss that place the more I think about it the more I'm longing for that simple life of years gone by!
By the way My year long anniversary of blogging came and gone and I didn't even say anything! Truth is I just realized it! I'm not the fastest cookie out there but I tell ya I'm a cute one so that makes up for it HaaaHaaaaa!
April 10 2003 to April 10 2004!!!

One year and I'm here and Queer as hell and proud So Cheers to every Gay boy and Girl out there and Don't forget take care of your selves because your worth it so don't forget it K ok now read on about my crazy life and be happy!


Thursday, April 17, 2003


Just to warn some who may be offended by sexual situations should not read this entry.....

As I said here is more about my past from where I left of on Wednesday April 09,


So after I met Trevor things never where the same for me, because of the several years I was in the closet I had allot of life to live or catch up on, its like I had to make up for all the lost experiences from my teen age years and early adult hood. Like I said there where the monthly dances and I went to every one of them, I don't really remember much about it but some how I learned about a local cruising spot, in a park. A cruising spot is a place that gay men go to meet most often late at night and in the midst of the public. Its a odd kind of place, its known by the gay community and of course the authorities...Well one of the first nights I went was a few months after the first dance and I had given up on Trevor for good...He was my first love and I had got myself very confused about him, so I found the park...It was still cold and wintry but I went anyway the pull to go and meet other gay men was very strong....I wonder what my life would of been like if I only had known about such a spot when I was younger, a place that I had been so many times and known nothing about all the gay men around me and I never thought a place could exist. So it was sometime late at night and I met this guy...I was hiding in the bushes and he kept pulling up in his truck and walking around and then coming back, I think that I had seen him before....Well after being disappointed that hardly anyone came to the park except a few old men that jerked of in there cars and when I walked around they followed me around like some desperate sad men.....I was going crazy wanting to meet other guys and eventually this guy in the truck came up to me and asked me to leave with him so I did.....He was in his late twenties I think. I remember driving to his place while he was smoking a joint, I declined and we arrived at his house....I noticed a ring around his finger and asked about it he said nothing .....You have to think about the fact that this was the second guy I had met and it was in a park in the middle of the night, so I was very nervous but at the same time excited and very very wanting to explore my sexuality.....When we got in his house I looked around and thought that he must not live here alone....He said he had a roommate and he was out of town....The first thing he did was put some porno video on and offered me some beer, I drank them as fast as I could to try and calm my nerves....I remember sitting there and looking at him...He was really hot and I couldn't believe that a guy like him would want to be with me....He was very muscular and manly looking....He lit up another joint and I said no again, pot makes me crazy paranoid and that's the last situation I wanted to be in Hi on pot with a guy I didn't know....So I had no Idea what to do next...Its not like I had picked up guys at the park before.....I'll never forget how the rest of the night went and how it left me feeling....It was after al the second guy I had ever met in my gay life....He took my hand a led me up the stairs to his room, it was very dark, next thing I new I was in his bed..Wow I had no idea what to do and this guy was very aggressive with me....I remember looking up at him as he was standing up above me naked and jerking of....Next thing I know he is bent over the bed and I'm standing behind him...By this time all my clothes where of....He pulled out some lube at this point in my life I really was naive....Well he kept asking me what do you want to do with your dick over and over....I just stood there almost in shock over what was going on....This guy was out of it on pot and booze....Some how I ended on the bed again with him standing above me again....The guy was very built and he was aware of it he kept saying you like what you see don't you you like a hot muscle guy, you like looking at a man don't you you like my dick you like a big muscle guy don't you .....I was so nervous I couldn't get an erection.....Well before I could even get into it he was done...I remember he was jerking of really hard...Next thing I know he is done and I'm told to get dressed and we go down stairs.....He didn't really say anything.....I didn't know what to say....and was thinking is that it hmmmm,it's not like I was totally inept about what sex should be like but this was not what I expected.....The next thing he does is offer to call me a cab and say that he would like to see me again...I didn't know what to think.....He then gave me 10 dollars to pay for the cab....My god did I feel used suddenly.....And very discouraged.....The guy was only into him self and I being so new to gay sex I was not very encouraged by the whole night.....I phoned the number...Turned out to be a fake....Over the next several months I saw him in the park and he avoided me, and it turns out that the roommate was his boyfriend who was out of town on business....

that night I learned that some guys are only out for sex and that the next time I have a guy with a thing full of lube bent over a bed that it means he wants me to Top him (fuck him, for lack of a better word) Its funny how gay sex is and all the hidden messages that are involved.....One thing I'll never forget is how his toned muscular chest looked with the faint light from the door hitting him......

As I gazed up at him virginal and all full of expectations......I have often thought what would have happened if I figured out what he wanted me to do that night....



A funny story about my second ever experience with a man and my first one night stand or trick as some say.....

After reading this a few times it came to me that when he took out the lube I noticed that there where no condoms offered, I think maybe that night was my first experience being put into the position of un safe sex and that I remember a part of me thinking that something was wrong here....I wonder what changed those many other times in the future, where nothing stopped me not even the thought about what the absence of a condom could mean.....Not to sound cliche but I know now , I really know now

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Friday, April 23, 2004

Oh boy long day in bed today I seem to have a few good days and then not, Not sure are usual why! Dam wisdom tooth be gone it still is hurting big time I think I will have to go to a dentist after all I just don't like them much!

Good new I was at the Doc and the t4 cells went from 160 to 200!!!! So the meds are working I'm happy about that in more ways than one!

I also was at the other doc at the hospital for my pancreas and got to see the ct scan results on a computer it was freaking crazy seeing the inside of your body like you had been cut in half and then going up and down thru your insides I got to see every organ and my stomach full of that awful barium drink that you get before the scan MMMM that was tasty stuff anyway I got to see the cyst on the pancreas it was big it seemed to take up allot of room and looked very out of place! 5 cm bigger than the last test 4.5 cm, I talked to the surgeon and told him I would like to wait a month or so till we schedule the operation he was fine with that! SO I will call in a month and be in Hospital in July..I have lots on the go now and would rather wait and to tell the truth I'm scared as hell to have them cut me open and poke and push and pull at my insides!...Fear is strong I tell Ya!

I'm of to do some more of my endless volunteer work Fashion Cares is calling poster poster everywhere posters.....
Don't forget boys and girls here in Toronto to support ACT and buy your tickets for the show! and after party! Hey and if you have the bucks why not make a trip To Toronto and catch a great show and party! Stay for the weekend!

Later

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Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Hey guys and gals of to the doc to get some meds for this dam wisdom tooth, called wisdom because it comes in when your more full of wisdom rather than when your first teeth come in I don't know! I do know its dam dam dam painful and I aint haven it anymore!

And remember guys if you want to add your link to my page do so please click on the bloglinker url under my links its easy...of to get ready for my appointment

later!

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Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Hey all what a walk down memory lane I was in last night I can say with out a doubt that I have had one crazy adventure with my life!
I found a link to the park I was talking about in Kamloops the city I found my first gay cruising stop inRiverside park click on the picture,you can move it around till you see the park in the distance you can see the river The Thompson river looking in the picture if you imagine walking about 10 minutes in the direction the picture is you will find the gay part I'm sure there are still many guys going and that its getting really busy around now, winter is very slow and the boys in Kamloops are for sure eager to get busy in the park...

I'm thinking about entering a wet underwear contest tonight, a drag queen and friend that I'm doing promotions for in Hosting the night at a club on Church called Play....Hmmmm I am going to go and look and see its worth 100 buck and I could use the cash....I don't know I will let ya all know if I go or not I'm going to get in the shower now and get ready and then decide, Its funny sometimes I will get ready to go out and then change my mind, All dressed up and no where to go is what usually happens!

Later

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Monday, April 19, 2004

I was looking over the web page to Merritt that I put in the previous post and just started crying! I haven't been there since I was 20 I'm guessing sometime around there, I spent many years when I was a kid with my Grandmother by Marriage my half sisters Fathers Mother, She was always Grand mom to Me in Fact she spent most of my childhood helping me and taking care of me! I was a very troubled child and she was the only one there all the time, you see my mother was a drug addict and alcoholic and sent me to stay with her all the time! It was my second home! When I moved out of Foster care when I was 16 going on seventeen I moved out on my own young I know but I was ready I was so ready! I helped her after all the years she was there for me, I put the poor lady through hell I was so mean and used her so much but she never gave up on me, I spent three years helping her with her yard work and her business she owned and operated a small Buty Shop or Hair salon I spent many a day there I grew up around little old ladies getting there hair done in fact I used to help my Grandmother all the time with the customers It was so small town the business she had customers that had been going to see her for 40 years and every week, I sure miss her I can't stop crying as I type this, When I got close to 20 Her deadbeat loser Son My sisters father decided after he screwed his life up by getting crippled in a car wreck that he caused by being a drunken driver Ass hole that he was....Any way after I spent three years or so helping her with everything he moved in and wouldn't let me see her anymore! She was getting old and I would have stayed to help her for as long as she needed me! Well I slowly was cut of from her the only person in my life at the time! I tried to see her but every time he was around! I know she wanted to see me and hated what he was doing but he was her son! He was a loser and was never around ever until he needed to take over her life because he was useless from his injuries! So he moved in on her life and took over! Got her to sell of her business, It was probably time but she didn't seem to have much of a say in it seen as her finances where getting bad and he had money so she sighed over everything to him....My sister at the time was not around I don't remember where she was, Anyway I started to loose contact with her slowly When I tried to call he would answer and not let me talk! I know she loved me and wanted to see me It was very sad time for me! Last time I saw her a few year later my Sister all grown up at this time,took her to Kamloops to see me! I was in University I went to see her at a mall she was half the person she was you could tell that she was not well It ripped my heart apart to see her like that All broken down
and fragile She had a hard life and it had taken a toll on her, She had spent most of her last years taking care of me and my sister, I was not really her grandson but she never made me feel that I wasn't She spent almost 20 years fixing up the screw ups of her son and my mother! Oh man I wish I didn't go to that web site,Pineridge Cemetary
There was A picture of the grave yard posted on it I have never really dealt with her Death! In fact every time I wash my hair or see anything to do with the hair or buty salon business in the old world sense I get upset thinking about her! I never got to say good bye, Any way the last time I had saw her like I was saying she was sick my sister took her to Kamloops
where I Was living,She had just got out of the Hospital, I couldn't believe it half her face had been cut out from Cancer! She had this black spot on her nose I used to tell her over the years that it looks like its getting bigger, It was I would tell her to go to the Doctor I know it is something I would say She refused to see a doctor, It turns out that she had Cancer it was all inside her right eye and nose! I found out later that she hadn't been to a doctor in 20 years I was crushed I was always trying to get her to GO....I used to tell her I was going to kid nap her and drag her to see a doc! Any way Because she was not allowed to see me Because my ex stepfather refused to let her see me I lost contact with her completely......A few years later I was in Vancouver In lot of
trouble I was always getting my self into trouble, I remember she was always there when I was younger to help! SO I'm In Vancouver full fledged gay boy at this Time, I come to realize that the main reason I couldn't see her was because I was gay and My sisters Father was a fucking Homophobic ass hole among other things he was racist a Dirty greasy Biker as in Harley! Any way I tried to call her and talk on Christmas on year ANd I find out that She had died What a day to get that I was Drunk and turned into a big big Mess I couldn't stop crying for hours and Hours I spent all
day and weeks after HI and Drunk just to push my feelings away! Oh I could see this coming when I started to think about the past this is why I keep it buried its very painful to bring it up for me! So I find out she has died and six months before I called, The jerk off didn't even call me or try to tell me in any way! I was devastated and still am very emotional about this...She was everything to me Seeing the graveyard pictures And knowing that she is there now really breaks me up I so so so want to be there now and just talk I don't know Something flowers anything! Im worried I'll never be able to get there again its so far away, seems a world away from me now! Oh my I'm not going through this anymore for now! I have to try and get there some day and get some kind of closure, Something....It scares the hell out of me to go back there to Vancouver the west that's where my life fell apart the drugs the booze the mess I left behind, I wonder if I'm strong enough to face it again! I really do can I should I don't know and I'm so screwed in the head now I want some answers to make things easy I'm just frustrated I guess! Memory association if you took sociology or psychology you learn about it in the first year simple stuff every memory is linked in some way, I say the color red ok close your eyes and think about red and stop reading this after you finish this sentence what pops in your head after red the next and next thing stop close your eyes for a minute and keep going STOP reading and try!

Ok so now you know a little about how the brain works memories are all linked you smell pine scent you think of trees you then think of green that camping trip the water the sun bugs ect ect it goes on next thing you know your closing your eyes and you transported back to some past experience..Seeing the web page for Merritt really was a punch in the psyche for me Wow Now I know why I try and keep it repressed Because I can't let my self regret and I have to move on But I tel ya I was so hurt and I can't stand parents who are homophobic or that hurt there children because of there own stupidity or abandon there children for there own selfish selves, This man My sisters father was a horrible miserable man and he caused a lot of pain to everyone around him, Last I was told by an old friend that he kicked my sister out of my grandmothers house with her baby, My grandmother loved my sister more than anything in the world, She was the only thing he gave her in his pathetic life my sister....He has got what he deserved in the long run I guess his legs all full of steel plates and screws he can't walk very well a big pathetic mess that sits feeling sorry for him self! Man I'm going on here!
So if you decide to go looking at a web page from a place that holds many memories remember that it might open the flood gated of the mind!
One thing that I think is that at least she is at peace now, I remember once I asked her why she didn't have any more children after my sisters father, She started crying and told me that her bastard husband at the time gave her vd and she had to have a hysterectomy! I couldn't believe it that she opened up to me, She would tell me all kinds of things I don't think she talked to anyone else about in her life, its sad she turned to alcohol and was a bad alcoholic the last few years I realized that she had had a hard life and I know because I put her through a lot of it But that's why I was there for her anything she asked me I did it no questions asked I would have done anything for her, It was cute after years of fighting with her about her drinking the last couple years I would go get her beer or vodka for he I know now why she used it to escape from her life, I really think that I was the only man in her life that didn't hurt her including her own son, She was great I found out later that she would send gifts in the mail that she mailed marked as from her son that was the kind of women she was, Beautiful and I hope she is a peace now, I love her so much and her memory will always be with me!
one memory that I will always remember is one thing she would ask me she would say your funny aren't'y your funny! I'd look at her as if I had no idea what she was going on about! I would smirk at her and she would say you are funny and smile and give me a look that it was ok and she loved me, what she was saying was your gay and its ok I know Her word for gay was funny...A smile is on my face now It was good to remember her I miss her so!


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Like any respectful gay man I like to watch gay porn from time to time! In fact it was gay porn online that was my first real look in to gay sex I would spend hours downloading pics when I was in my early 20's before I came out of the proverbial closet..Back in the days with 14.4 modems and it would take hours to get a small movie clip if you could even find them...I remember how I first found out about internet browsers cache files and that my room mate at the time who's computer I was using had been looking through the cache files at what Id been looking at...He never did say anything to me about being gay he did however not seem to have a problem and we spent a year living together...Its funny I found out how to see what files had been looked at and he didn't seem to know that I found out how to do this anyway he would spend a good hour or more a day going to all the sites I did and looking over all the files I had been downloading into the browsers cache files....So I learned fast how to cover up my tracks on his computer...Come to think of it I was lucky all the friends I had back then from around 16 to 23 had no problem with me being gay and most said they where very happy for me when I finally came out! I remember them saying how much I seemed to change over night!...Those where good times in my life and I soo am looking forward to the day when I go back to British Columbia to visit all my old friends and I'm sure that most are still around last I was told most didn't leave small town life!....Little cities in the interior like Kamloops I went to University there and Hi school I was there up till 23! Good place but not much to offer a gay boy with raging hormones and hot man sex on the brain, I tell you the first year or so after I came out living there was a big learning curve for me first time I had sex with a guy, first boyfriend who I fell deeply in love with he was the first guy I lived with in a relationship also the first guy to break my heart, I still love him today and miss him so, I often wonder what happen to him his name was Derek we had our share of problems him his parents and not knowing what to do with his life, me I was way to controlling and started to drink far to much in fact that was the start of my alcoholic ways back then when I was 23.....Oh man memories abound today...I was in contact with him via email for a few months a couple years ago but lost contact again, we had a bad break up......So back to Kamloops I had another first there my introduction to parks and cruising for guys late at night, I often used to say if I had only known about such a place when I was younger my life would have been so much different. I used to spend hours in that park it was called Riverside Park centennial Water Park I grew up around it for years not knowing it was there Hmmmm I had a great time there, screwing guys in the bushes, I remember one day I had two guys bent over a park bench trying to fuck both of them, getting very frustrated because I couldn't reach I wasn't tall enough to get things going Wow memories, I'll never forget this guy on a bike drove right by us me with my pants down and two guy bare asses up in the air bent over the bench those where the days I tell ya, There was one native guy named Fred who would walk through once in a while and all he wanted to do was suck cock so I would let him go at it for hours I would cum over and over, he couldn't get enough it was great leaving only because the sun was coming up....Park life in small town Canada is one of the only outlets for gay guys in many cities with out gay clubs ect....I do miss those days, I tried the park thing in Vancouver several times In fact I remember one night I picked up this Hockey player, he blew me all night couldn't get enough he was one good cock sucker! I can't believe how the memories just flood back when you get to thinking about the old days......I haven't tried the park thing here in Toronto because it feels to unsafe for me In fact that's why I didn't in Vancouver often either....This park is where I met my first lover I mentioned in this post Derek in Kamloops, I'll never forget him picking me up in his parents van with a child safety seat in it...Who would think you could meet the love of your life at three in the morning on some trail in a park in the bushes.....

An other city I spent several years in my early youth is called City of Merritt I'll never forget this place In fact I think my sister still lives there, I do miss here I should try and contact her again its been almost five years since I spoke last with her, I know she has had several problem like me with drugs and alcohol...Enough of that I'll get upset....

So I'm thinking that there must be a gay sex park or spot in Merritt and if I had known about it then would I have gone? Hmmmm Your talking small town Canada Forestry based industry town, Many saw mills and lots of red neck types of guys....Put it this way if you don't get out when you get to your 20's you will never leave Most guys work in Forestry and the women that are not pregnant and having babies work in the traditional female type jobs, like secretary waitress that kinda thing, I remember my first job I worked in A video store there! I was the first guy that had ever worked there and probably was the last for some time...In fact this very same video store put in a porno section and to my amasement they had five gay films,(remember this is a small city 15 000 or so just barely a city in fact most call it a town) now seen as I worked there I had first dibs on them and I tell ya I watched every last one of them, its funny I used to take them without actually officially renting them because I didn't want the other staff to know I was gay, I would discreetly bring them back the next day, the crazy thing is that sometimes I would forget to bring them in and some one would notice they where not there, think that they had gone missing, little did they know a very eager to come out gay boy was at home jacking of feverishly to them every night...So I would slip them back in the back room and the other staff would get all confused thinking that they had mad a mistake during the inventory counts....If it wasn't for that little job and very quaint video store I may not have come out till years later....Seeing all that porn really made me want to try the real thing you can only jerk of for so long and I tell ya I would wear out my dick to the point it would hurt.....
One of the first videos I saw was called A night at Halsteads or some thing like that it was a 70's or early 80's film precondom times, So after I saw this site TITAN MEDIA PRESS RELEASE I started thinking real hard I can't say for sure but It is possible at the time I was seeing something that may have influenced my early sex practices, I can't say but I for sure remember that there was no condoms being used and that that was my first gay porn exposure....The thought is very interesting but extremely hard to know for sure if my lack of condom use was in part because of the porn I saw....

Ok I'm of I'm relaxing today I had a busy Busy weekend work work work I love it being busy I don't want to get into it to much here because in the early days of my blog some posts got back to the B&B I was working at and the management where upset its tricky when it comes to blogs and work!
About the Doc visit today I went, my appointment was cancelled because I went last Wednesday, some mix up with the secretary anyway I'm going thursday morning to find out about the last HIV test I sure hope that the meds are working I think they are I'm feeling better as they days go by and having less of the nasty nasty night sweats! Oh man my face is all swolen from the wisdom tooth I hope that its ok I'm not going to ba able to see my doc till Thursday he is not there on tuesday, I'm going to look into a clinic, there all over the city and are like a my doc but you just walk in, there is one near me at Welesley and Bay street I think I will go there in the morning if the swelling gets worse!
Night night all
Hope you like the look into my past!

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Ouch owee my wisdom tooth is coming in full speed and it hurts there was a little hole in the gum now its a centimeter at least ouch Now I know how babies feel when teething because that's what I'm doing I'm a thirty year old teething man Now is that crazy or what, why now what triggers this to start and why is the bottom left one in and I think done and the two top ones I can feel them under the gums and they are getting bigger but very slow! I was at the dentist a year ago and he said I should have them out, I asked why he said you should just get them out to avoid and problems, I asked him was there any reason other than avoiding pain and any
POSSIBLE PROBLEMs...He said to me you should but its not necessary...Hmmmm I'm not going to have them rip teeth out of me that are normal to have and just to avoid a little pain I don't think so.....There is no way I'm getting my gums cut open and hmm nasty just
a big no!unless something goes wrong...Of to the Doc to find out my first HIV test results since starting the meds...oh ya and getting something for this pain big time!

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Sunday, April 18, 2004

So I'm looking for guys to help hand out flyers, I've found several guys, the thing is that there are certain looks they have to have to get the guys interested, Young 20's or so and cute sexy...I know its harsh but reality I'm not going to get guys coming out of the clubs to look at my flyers go to the club/after hours with a older gray haired guy out there giving them the flyer! It bothers me that I can't give someone like that the job but I know from years doing this business that guys are thinking sex sex sex and there dicks are leading them around during there night out of drinking and debauchery! Point is how do I let people know that this job needs a certain look with out offending because I don't want to!
I had to turn away a guy who showed up that was older than my father, He would have not been good for my business and I had to say sorry, but I did say young and cute I'm not sure how to make it more clear!
My add in a local BB said among other things should be young and cute!
This guy had big frizzy messed up gray hair looked like a grand father type how is he going to get young 20 something's to go to after hours club I did find two very hot Latino boys from Columbia, they where getting every guy to stop and look at them and in return they sent them on there way with a smile and a flyer and hopefully on there way to the after hours club!
Sex sell simple as that, but why do I feel so bad for sending the guy away and being angry at him for wasting my time I'm sure he was aware that I would not be interested in him, or was he just some desperate guy wanting to meet others by deceiving them you know the type who show up from an online chat date for sex and they turn up and are nothing like they said they where older and fatter that kida stuff...Still I feel bad and I'm glad I do because it tells me that I have a conscious and am kind at heart but can be hard and business man like when needed to protect my interests...The cold harsh reality of the world can be brutal and scary for sure!
Hmm did a spell check with the blogger check and then an other program the blogger one missed several words its not a good one I'm thinking!!

Later boys and girls
Please know that I know there are many if fact most hockey fans are cool good people I'm talking about the few who just happen to be hockey fans I'm one in fact I grew up going to hockey and playing every day when I was a kid!
oh ya to all the Hockey fans out last night here in Toronto shame on you for being so nasty gay bashing Its been a long time since I've heard so many faggot ect. calls from cars going by on the street and most where sporting the Maple leafs flag a pity for sure that hockey attracts such men with little brains!!! One thing I think they should do is put the Hockey stadium in the Suburbs so the nasty ugly disgustingg small minded stunted greasy ect guys can just stay where they belong, in return we worldly beautiful modern educated intellectual city urban men and women can enjoy our city and they can stay in the BURBS where they belong chugging there beer! I feel so sorry for the women that are trapped with this kind of man, you know the beer chugging farting burping ass crack showing type Ahhh a nightmare run run far away I'll help you just get rid of nasty people surround your self with good kind caring folk!!!!
I'm sorry but it bothers me so very very much this time of year when are community is invaded by gay bashing jerks from the hockey games after there over all drunk going up and down the street yelling so cowardly out the window fag among other things!Shame shame on them for giving hockey a bad name!

I know there are several other cities in north america who know what I mean this time of year!...
My rant of the day!

Later again...




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A bit about my being a drug addict for those who need to here about how I stopped the destructive behavior, a note though I'm still working every day and its hard but the real honest plain almost tragic truth is that it does get easier as you go day by day Just remember what it feels like lying in bed all day later still up can't sleep your jaw so f**cking sore from grinding your teeth and cramped all up your mouth looks like you took a cheese grater to it, hell and who can forget all the twitching its fun when your hands are not under your control!How about a free trip to the ER I had one of them one night did a half water bottle of G oh and some coke and some E and some crystal oh ya I was hard core and what to wash it down with but double rye and coke hmmmm wake up naked tube out of my nose out my mouth in my dick in my arm Fun hey how about the chest the crash paddle thing that zapped my heart back oh ya that felt really good ouch I was DOA was told I was on the street for an hour before someone called an ambulance....Oh man it pains me to talk about it shortly after this I moved from Vancouver! Serious what about that guy you really liked but didn't go up to him because you where embarrassed because a part of you knows what you really look like when you HI not pretty And I mean guys
on E and other drugs like it are nasty when there Hi, TRUST ME I KNOW I worked at Fly(Toronto bar)for a summer a few years ago and at four in the morning I couldn't look at any of the guys in the face because it made me hurt inside to see the looks on there faces all trying to have a good time just wanting to not be alone be part of a group...And its true you will be alone for a while because when you stop after you have had enough and you find out that you never really had any fun Your going to have to leave that group of guys behind and move on there is so many guys out there that don't do that kind of night, remember when you where in University I do WE would study for hours go out for coffee movies there is a whole world out there, but its hard the clubs they call you the boys the sex, well forget the sex because your dick is useless, and hey why bother coming out if you can't use your dick then hey..Hmmmm Point made! I could go on I have been at the worst of the party life and the best AAA list that means shit because everyone on it most times are to fucked to care about you they can just keep there life together enough to look good, funny thing is that the guys that think they look good most often don't, the drugs age you fast very fast and look at me my health problems, you can't say that having a crystal pipe out of my face up for 7 days at a time didn't hurt me big time....
When you have had your fun remember what you wanted to do with your life and reach for it again, I'm trying this now moving on after being so lost for so long I'm confused half the time but getting a bit ahead in the mental department every day, I screw up and go on but the good thing is the screw ups a further apart now, I don't miss it as much the more time that goes By...
I'm thinking what would happen if I called all the friends I had before I turned to drugs would they be there for me now that I've figured some things out?
There all in Vancouver far far far away, I do miss it sometimes knowing everyone being everywhere its true but I must move on for my life is at stake I am one of the ones that had that big scare that life altering event, I hope some who may be sharing my life with me that it doesn't come to that for you...If it does remember who you where before and that that person is still in there he just need some help and your the only one that can start the rescue than others will step in to help you on your way to finding your self again!!


Wow I was thinking about drugs and party party party life you know! Some times I with that I could go back if I had known or felt as I do now...I really do its a shame that life is that way you have to really feel the hurt the burn the sting of a wound before you star to step away and retreat lick your wounds and heal you body and mind!
I found the hope again and its out there I know trust me it can be done!

night night

And to the guy that emailed me from TO I feel you and understand what your going through deep down in my heart and I will be there for you don't you worry You can count on me to be there to listen, be your friend Its up to you I will be in contact with you soon! And this goes for any one else out there who needs to talk about what ever if you see things here that you are going through I can listen and let you know about me and what I did ect share and help each other thats what life is all about

Long day here worked my little ass of and hey I have three employees first time for every thing and I thought I would never feel like an adult, hey but well I don't so big boy trying to be adult when ever that happens I'll let ya know!

Night Night again
please understand that I believe that you can party if you have control and are stable in most ways, There is fun to be had out there, but I think now its clean fun for me, its crazy the last few times I was out I had fun, one two beers thats it no coke no nothing, and I felt great....Every time gets easier and that is fucked up the way it is......You don't miss it if your not doing it something like that!
ps sorry for the bad words sometimes I can't seem to express my self with out the power they have!
and i'm out of orbit for sure this time!

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Saturday, April 17, 2004

Rude Nasty people! How do some end up being nasty and mean, On the phone today talking about some business and this guy on the other end was rude nasty condescending and just plain ignorant, wouldn't try to understand what I was trying to say, kept interrupting me, didn't understand what I was trying to do so started telling me I didn't know what I was doing, I wanted to make sure everything was done that needed to be done, just double checking to be safe! Some people seem to think that they can just hang up on you and be rude and you won't react, I don't need the money that bad if it happens again I won't be back...Sorry I work hard and deserve respect.....
My rant for the day
But seriously how dare someone hang up on me when they should be talking to me and trying to make sure what I'm asking is done,its there future on the line there jobs depend on people like me to bring customers in! Give me a good product and I'll get the people there! There is nothing I can do if people just don't want to go because of pre conceived ideas or old reputations!Did this guy have the owners best interests in mind being rude to me I wouldn't think so! I wouldn't want some one working for me that treated people like that, here's hoping that it was a one time behavior! I hope he understands that reputations always precede ones self in the gay community and once your labeled a rude nasty person its with you for ever! I know seen it so many times and been labeled way to many times for my problems...Its not fare I know but really every one deserves a second chance!
Sorry I just had to get it out I get very mad when I'm unfairly treated by some one because I know that most who are rude know how it feels to be treated that way and choose to do it to others any way! Not caring how it may effect there day, or could it be that some are clueless and have no idea how they affect others!
other than that I'm doing good feeling ok Pancreas is still hurting on the pain meds going for a ct scan on 22nd and then I find out when the operation is, in hospital for a week and then recover at home...more about this later
The HIV meds are working i think? I don't seem to have any side effects so far, so far being the point! I got this big ass pill box day timer thing you put your pills in am pm kinda thing because I would wake up and take them and then fall asleep and forget if I took them...far to stressfull so the big ass pill box is full and working I am happy about that!

Later
a deep breath


Later of to do my thing
wisdom tooth is hurting bad bottom right just coming through the gum at 30 is this normal to be so late in life ouch painful I tell yah!

Below is a post I coppied from
thinking & drinking blog
I like what he said about me but I'm not sure 100% what he means!

4.13.2004
Found another ...
poz blog and got pretty deep into it yesterday. Shouldn't I manage a little time for work? Nahhhh ...

I found a line of thought from about 8 months ago to sound very similar to me.

As I've said I have HIV and it's very hard to think about..But I really want to tell others how this happened and express my feelings about it.. I don't know who gave it to me..that may sound strange...the one thing I do know that I was in a haze of drugs and boose (alcohal) If I was sober would I have gotten it? Thats a really good question. I think so..Safe sex was not always first on my mind..Its funny becase I remember sex ed class and being told all about safe sex..Not about gay safe sex.."

Anyways, he's a party boy but a reflective, introspective one. Well, a stream-of-conscience introspective one. It's odd, but worth a read. It's Gay Canadian X Party Boy. Check him out.


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Thursday, April 15, 2004

Me so tired gay boy busy work work like a big boy kinda adultish stuff!!!!
Ahhhhhh big yawning yawns So tired out all day putting up posters getting bigger arms and chest muscles(is it muscels or the way I spelt it I'm confused again?) hmmm me just getting big period with all de testosterone my sexy doc jabs in me but every few weeks.....ohhh yawn again...
I'm so of to sleep and its so nice to be tired for a reason again!
Some people actually talk like this oh boy I outz!!!

Night Night I will be up to date soon
A super big big muscles around ya hug from me to ya all for the comments and emails... I will be getting to the emails soon so don't please think I'm not reading them I just want to make sure I take the time deserved to send a proper response to anyone emailing me
:)
hahaaammmm sleeping Now Wow I can open my mouth rather big, now why can't I control my gag reflex it would just be to easy then wouldn't it Yaaa practice makes perfect, now if I could only get some practice....A little lol but I'm serious!

Night Night again

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Sunday, April 11, 2004

Hey Hey Hey I'm a Happy boy tonight!
I was at this club here to talk to a friend of mine about getting a job at this bar doing promotions, Well I didn't even have an interview and was out on Church doing my thing...What a good night Ohh it was cold, I survived and am very happy, Oh ya and I got my money from that debt I was talking about, I had done some promo work for a local Drag Queen,she was giving me the run around but she paid up finally! There is a lot of cash to be made at Gay bars and I'm super into doing it out doors putting up posters handing out flyers ext.
Out doors not in a hot smelly smoky bar that's the way to make the money I'm thinking and go home after I'm done thus avoiding the drinks and other things....

Plus a good work out on the arms to!
I'm very pleased and hope I can keep this one going for a while, I'm tired of to Bed, dare I say again a happy boy! Sure why not....


Night Night

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Friday, April 09, 2004

Hey all I was looking into working for Unity this year, The big big party during pride here in Toronto but to my surprise its a no go this year Hmmmm
I wonder what happen!
There web page says nothing Unity 2004

I have been told by someone that runs Sponsorship, Promotions, Welcome Center, Tickets, I email him to look into a job in promotions and I was told by him in an email "There is no Unity happening this year thanks for your interest."

This is with out a doubt the biggest party of the year, I'm sure something will come up...So all you Sexy men from the US and elsewhere keep your plans to come and Visit..Oh ya if anyone wants to hook up when here let me know so we can Make plans!

Later I'm out to collect on a debt tonight I hope He pays up this time...More On that!!!

Bye Bye

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Wednesday, April 07, 2004

This just in

Fashion Cares 2004

The theme this year is
...
M.A.C Viva Glam Superstar ClubLife...Hosted by M.A.C VIVA GLAM V spokesperson and fashion icon Linda Evangelista.

Stellar fashion designers are dressing the sexiest dancers and models in provocative club couture. The show moves to the hottest music Latin, glam rock, electro, disco, trance and hip hop recreating the 70s, 80s and 90s with right now spin.
Fashion Cares is your night to shine. Come in diva glam, or your own version of night club chic.

Visit the website at
Fashion Cares 2004
All tickets go on sale April 13th, 2004.
I'm proud to be a volunteer for this event!
Look for me around the Village here in FaB Toronto putting up posters!
I will also be at the Event this year doing Security!


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Tuesday, April 06, 2004

One thing to add today seen as I'm talking about what if I did this or that....

So I stop buy this local watering hole during the day a few days ago! and I do mean hole, well I should say its not a hole anymore, new owners and new look it was called Traks V as in 5, the new name is CUbe or something, anyway to the point I see this guy that I take home when I happen to run into him, You know the type, Just an ok, but you know whats going to happen because you've been there and done that and he wasn't bad....So he tells me he got a call from are Mutual agent, the acting kind....I do do acting/extra work! Might I add I introduced him to the Agent guy! He tells me I was called for a wardrobe fitting to be in this film, I'm like no way! You C'mon I'm not modest or anything I guess he's not that bad looking or I wouldn't take him home, that's a joke...Anyway I'm thinking why haven't I been called from the Agency....Hmmm And I did a bunch of free stuff for them student films Charity commercials that kinda stuff....I call the agent guy it turns out he had my old #, Hmmm My old number what about my cell # that has been the same for years now, I'm scratching my head at this point! Good news and thanks to running into the trick! My agent tells me I would have had so much work if he had my new number and tells me he will be in contact soon....I'm super happy about that even though I don't have Madonna tickets....Hey all In the Good old USA I was in a film called Soldier Girls Have you seen it....If you did or are look for a cute boy with red spiked hair I mean red, or it could have been bleached out at the time one day they put red color in it at the hair and make up table!!!
Let me know cause I've not seen it yet The part I was in was during a drag show sitting at a table near the stage in some club, the real club was a place here in TO called IT now gone! I was in an other part when the lead characters where on there way into the club, I know they didn't do many takes so there is a good chance I'm in it...Yah I know it's just extra work but I love it it's fun and you get paid to do it....I did see my self in Queer as Folk in a club scene for a second and you have to look real hard...I can't remember what episode it was If any one wants to know I'll dig out my files and look! I could have been in Q&f a few more times well lots more times but I was not well because of the Pancreas problems, see what happens when you don't take care of your self, I did have an opportunity to do a nude scene solo masturbation at some sex party shoot but I turned it down because they would be showing my face too!!!! I had talked to other guys who did nude parts and regretted the exposure in the community it was looked down upon so I turned it down, On second though I wish I did do it....So I hope to be telling you all about my extra/acting work in the future, health permitting....

Anyway I do go on...Some good news!!!!!

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Maddonna Madonna Madonna blues

I'm going to cry all day long I swear!!!!
I was so busy doing whatever I don't remember! But boy am I pisseed of that I didn't get tickets because for some reason as per usual I forget I swear I have to put notes all over to remind me of what I need to do....The point I forgot How could I forget about Madonna and I had the money at the time and to find out that she has three shows here three the most at one stop I know about....Ahhhhhhh I'm thinking I might just go and get one from some scalper guy who probably hates her and is going to charge me way to much...
And I'm not turning in my gay card so there!
AM I the only gay boy in Toronto that is not going to this I"m thinking so I'm sooooo sad ahhhhh
Any one please from Toronto who has an extra ticket I will pay
Please please I need a ticket.....oh boy Yes please I will do anything for a ticket, Its Madonna C'mon I have loved her for ever and ever!!!!!

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So funny I had to share

Go to google put in gay muscels in the search spot and see what comes up!

My blog Funny and the first one on the list what does that mean!

I find it very amusing to see what some enter into search engines and find there way to my blog...
And is that how you spell muscels or is there alot of people spelling it wrong to, I'm thinking so...To Funny

ad-on thought!!! do you ever do a search for your blog or a part of the name of your blog? Strange feeling when you see your little spot come up in the first few pages of the search !!!

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Wow Things are just a Burning up around here So many new people coming around to see what's new, thanks to a few who have so kindly honored me by putting my blog link on there's I'd like to welcome Sissy SpaceChik to my Blog the link to his blog is in my links, a true master and pioneer in the art of blogging if I do say so my self!!

So I was out for a few drinks On Sunday night knowing that I shouldn't every step of the way, feeling guilty for going out makes it impossible to have a good time and meet someone ha how can you do that if your starting out the wrong way by not even wanting to be where you are...The good thing about that misadventure is that once again I realized I'm not missing anything by staying home and that I need to remember that I don't need to have a bottle of beer in my hand to have a good time, because I sure didn't have a good time that night, I ended up at home alone as per usual...After a friend came up to me and said whats wrong with ya! I can't handle the party favs anymore that's for sure....When you end up paranoid and freaked out and wanting to run out of a bar, Hmmm you think you would learn your lesson!

So lesson learned ouch!! again! I move on none worse for the ware I hope!
I think today I'm going to go for a new look, hair cut, style, color, streaks! Hmmm The thing is I could do it my self the color part that's is, but the last time I did it it didn't work out, is this something you get better at the more you do it, or should I break down and pay a hair style guy way more than I'd like to do it...Hmmmm I went to a local hair supply store here in Toronto on Young street and got all the stuff 30$ later Well lets see what we have got, the funny plastic cap with holes all over to pull my hair through! The strange looking hook to pull the hair through the plastic hood thing, the enzyme developer for the color cream that I mix up to put on after, I use the powder stuff called activator that I mix with speed bleach liquid...Ok Now that's complicated, all that for a few blond highlights!!! And then the cut after I'm thinking I should just go out and spend the $$$ there is a place here on Church St. That everyone is going to called SalOne or something like that...
I'm outa here to try and figure out what to do with da hair!
later

I wanted to thank all the growers of Oranges way down south in the FaB USA for making it possible for me to have my fav FAB drink, I just love my Orange Juice that I do!!!!


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Saturday, April 03, 2004

I found a blog with more about crystal and thought I should share it You will find a comment I made in the comments link for march 31, I'm not looking to find info about crystal I've been reading lots of new blogs and I keep running into it, So I'm compelled to share what I know about the stuff, I'm not wanting to come off as being a preacher but Its dangerous!

I just remembered how to put links in the post so here it goes
This is the link boy's briefs Like I said read my comment. I'm not going to keep going on about this but if you know someone who is on that stuff don't give up on them be there for them keep your friendship alive, if anything keep the lines of communication open, When I was an addict I lost most of my friends because they couldn't take it, or they where just to tired of being hurt because there was nothing they felt they could do and would rather not see me in that state! It was that one or two friends that stayed with me and helped me when I was ready to stop, that's what I mean by keep the communication open, you may not here from them for months but when you do listen that's all you can do and it will make a word of difference if there ready for help that's they key though they have to be ready and want to stop.......

Chris the owner of the blog I linked to in this post is dead on when he calls crystal an "epidemic"
I want to send a Cheer out to Chris at Boy's Briefs Blog for telling it like it is Good job!

On a way more lighter note after ranting(well I'm not sure if this kind of post is a rant or not, it means a lot to me to share this info and comes straight from the heart!) On that lighter note, I'm not going to take credit for this link, I found it on Boy's Briefs BlogQueer Eye for the Undead GuyNow that's funny! Not a fan of the show or any ones like it but that was fun!
Well its way past my last post when I said good night I don't know what I was thinking I'm up late most nights

Its Night Night now


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Friday, April 02, 2004

Hey hey hey
Wow I'm so excited about my Blog, I have reached out to other guys who have blogs and said Hi or commented about there posts and have been very well received! I've made several new friends! Maybe a couple more than friends lol...Who knew I could possibly find the man of my dreams through my blog, It would make sense though when you open up your life, its like getting a book about someone before you meet them, in a way that could be scary to!, Does anyone know of guys who have hooked up through there blog and it worked out? Hmmm

I wasn't sure how I would come across on here, what some one on the other side would interpret my posts to mean, or am I just to negative, lots of what I'm going through is good to so I'm trying to be upbeat as well...I'm falling all over again for the art of blogging, since I've started being here more often I've noticed I'm feeling more put together in the mental department....When I tell friends about blogs and how they can be amazing, I mostly get a look of confusion, they just don't get it I guess! I think some guys just don't want to here what I have to say, sort of the denial thing...If I don't see it or know about it's not there!(HIV) I do know that hearing about what I'm going through and what I will be is hard to take some times, I know because lots of the time I can't handle it my self very well....That being said I want to thank every one who has been sending out the love to me, Your guys support mean lots to me and I look forward to getting to know everyone much much more, a special note of thanks to the guy from Mrhappysad Blog your a super guy, and I would like to thank Geekslut I've learned so much from him reading his blog, it means so much to me to be able to share my life with ya guys!
A big group hug is in order here "Hugs"

What I've been up to the last few days, well not much I'm on week two now of the HIV meds and I'm very leary to venture to far out, I did go out last night for a few hours the first time in weeks, a mistake! I had a few drinks and felt sick and came home. I've been finding that the more I stay away from the clubs the more I just don't like them when I try to go back....The smoke the drugs the drinking its all just to much.....I know I'm not missing much, to be honest the only thing I'm missing now is the companionship of the guys when I go out.....Well I don't know it seems that I always meet the wrong kind of guy anyway so Hmmm I don't know how I feel now, except confused????

Yesterday was the two week mark for the HIV meds, now I have to take all three twice a day, the viramune/nevirapine was one a day till two weeks then two a day....I hope I still don't see any side effect after upping the dose, we'll
see I guess.....

I was talking to geekslut about crystal after reading his blog posts about it, It scares the hell out of me what he is saying, I for one know first hand about that stuff! Its pure poison nothing but a body and mind destroyer....Now I'm not against drugs per say but I do think this one has to be dealt with, it will destroy your life in every way! I was an addict for a year or so up till 99....I'm working on a post to put up here about what happened to me, lets just say that at the end of my crystal abuse I was 98 pound, homeless, broke, lost, sold everything,ect ect. There is no good that can be taken out from the use of that stuff....Stay away far away, cause you won't know your addicted because it happens after the first bump your hooked and if you have an addictive personality your in big trouble.....trust me please....its poison!!!!

One more thing, I think I am a spam victim in my comments thingy?
from march 31....the link goes to a sextoy site...look for your self the comment was friendly and seemed genuine till I followed the link and then that
sex toy page popped up?

I'm outz for now early night tonight!

Night Night



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