<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Hello Hello Feeling good....
What do ya all think about the links?
I did have a few blogs on there but I got the feeling that they didn't want there link on my page! Oh well! there loss I say!

So if I have a link to your page here and it is not wanted let me know and I will remove it. Any link on my page is put up because I think its a cool page that is worth seeing, that being said I would really like anyone who want to link to me to do so, its easy to do just follow the directions below my links follow the bloglinker.com link.....
I'm looking forward to seeing as many links as I can get, the more the merrier I say....
If anyone wants to email me there link send it to me and I will put it up....

Things I'm up to today, I'm starting a herb garden in my apartment, I don't have a balcony so I'm trying my luck in a window box, If any one has some tips about how to go about this I could sure use them...What kinds grow good indoors ect....

Im outa here for now.....

Much Much more to come....

Feeling good and happy....Yaaaaaaaa

Cheers
Ps I'm also looking for any sites about HIV that you feel would be helpful and go along with the general theme of my blog, One other thing I'm looking for webrings to join any goods ones you know about let me know please thanks!
I found one its to the right under the links called Gay Diary...

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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Oh man I have been busy re-learning all about blog templates, I have been busy adding links to my BlogLinker list to the right....
There are several links to all kinds a sites including several blogs I find just super special!
Take a look, If you look at my list I think part of my personality comes through, Hmm Only in cyber space can you get to know some one by there links page! I love it....
Also I've put links to Toronto and HIV info.....
Look for Pride Toronto, I'm on my way to getting involved again this year, and Fashion Cares(HIV/AIDS fundraiser) is starting to get going so look for that link in the future, I'm going to be very involved this year....I can't wait....

I'm sleepy

More links to come I have many more to share...

I had a great day today, went to the Doctor, got some blood test forms to do tomorrow, Things are looking good I'm feeling like I'm turning around and starting to smile a bit more often! Good times are ahead for me I can feel it....Yaaaa, it's about time....

Night Night....

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Monday, March 29, 2004

One more change I've made is to put my links up in a new format,or old if you have been shareing my life with me here from the start....You can ad links to your blog or whatever you want...in return my link is on your list...ect...chek it out it seems to be a good idea!!!

Way past Bed Time

Night Night Again

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Well it seems that I have got the Blogger bug back and I'm fixing up the joint So look to your right and you will find some old parts of my Blog that fell of and now are firmly reattached like my Guest Map thing a ma jig, If you look at it you can see its been a while since that was on here,I was happy to see that my account at Bravenet was still active and I didn't'y lose any one who put there mark on my cyber map....If any of ya are around who put your mark on there from long ago Say hi! I would like to get in touch with ya all again!

A couple other things I added was a Comments link...I'm not sure how that's going to go because I'm thinking that if no one posts on it I will get all emotional...We will see how that goes...
The Trackback link I'm not really sure about how it works the web site its from is a bit confusing, I'm still learning I tell ya the net has changed so Much since when I was first on line with a 14.4 modem.....I'm 30 now so do the math....Hmmm I wonder when I was first on line I can't seem to remember! I do Know that I have a real real old hotmail I think it might be one of the first, well not first but way up there with some of the first I can't remember not having the account...Oppps about the blog ya Some how its always about me around here isn't it!!! Lol...Perfect the way it should be LoL...Wow some of my lighter side is coming through on here It feels good to not be so serious some times....Ok Back to what's new around here.....

The little green banner or link at the top right called GeoURL is something I ran upon when stumbling around the net....It's cool you can see all the web sites around me, my actual home address...I had to find out my Geographical longtitude and latitude Ouch I Haven't tried to spell that kinda stuff in years, Memories abound tonight!
Anyway I think its Cool<-- great word cool it should make a come back in my books....
Just some new stuff to Jazz the place up a bit, Its all about you all so it's there if wanted so feel free to post a comment or not its up to ya But I would be happy if you did So if ya do Thank ya in advance...Boy oh Boy am I being silly tonight, I'm in a good mood, Nothing gona take me down oh no oh Oh ya Mm mmm...Remember that song...What's it called I can never remember names of songs, Why is that Am I alone on that front?

Ok its getting late and If I don't stop this blog party decoration (I'm back) stuff Its going to end up all messy and crazy, So as per I'm gona get out a here before I end up doing something to my template and not be able to fix it...Yuk happened once and I was crushed ....

Night Night alll

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Saturday, March 27, 2004

So I'm feeling ok the last few days......
I'm really thinking the HIV meds are helping! It would make sense that if the virus levels are getting lower that I would be feeling better as the virus levels dropped, could it happen so fast (two weeks)? I don't know I'm of to the Doc on Monday so I will find out then! More on that later...

The pills I'm on are not that hard to take I can have them with food or any kind of drink so there easy that way, I'm happy about this because some pills are complicated to take and can only be took one way or an other that makes them all more to likely to miss or not take them, and that isn't an option for me!....three at noon and then two at midnight after two weeks from the start I take all three two times a day...

If there is anyone on here who thinks HIV is no big deal and don't care about using a condom!!!! Well if you want to have this to look forward to go ahead do it, I can tell you I'm not happy to have this to deal with every day for the rest of my life, that being the catch I have to or there will not be a rest of my life!!!
Make much sense, I know it was the last thing on my mind that fateful night I was drunk and more than likely high as hell on one or more drugs....A small part of me I'm sure thought you should be careful like always back then, I did know better Yes I did that's the real hard part to take!....But the proverbial but of coarse But----?....but a small part of me was lost and forgot very very fast in the heat of the moment....perhaps just perhaps if I had known more about what would be in store for me if I didn't listen to that voice in the back of my mind the one saying where is the condom where where where is the condom!!!!!!!!!!! I know you can never look back and say for sure but I really think about this that if I really had known what I was getting into would I have been more careful?
Would I have stopped and listened, it s a big maybe but I can say that back then I didn't know anyone with HIV, I mean I must have know others but they didn't tell me or didn't know.....


So here are the drugs I'm on for now. Many more to come in the future this is just the start........This is my life from now on, My reality for ever! ----->>>>

The first one is called 3TC / Lamivudine 150mg twice daily price 296.92 can$ a month

The second one is called Ziagen/ abacavir Sulfate 300mg twice daily 419.04 can$ a month

The third one is called Viramune / Nevirapine 200mg one daily for two weeks then one twice daily 313.44 can$ a month

All together that's 180 pills a month at a cost of 1029.42can$ That about 780us$ dollars a month...That's 5.71can$ per pill That 34.26can$ a day!!!!!

Wow Now that really puts it in perspective doesn't it!!!

That is double the amount I spend on food a day on average!! Get that, go figure???

So if you are one who thinks barebacking is what you want to do than this is what you have to look forward to, and trust me that more guys than not are going to tell you they are HIV- and have unprotected sex and they are really HIV+ !!!!!!
Yes this is seriously the truth and it's sad but the way it is so be careful I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I am!!! Its not fun! Not what I wanted my life to end up being......

You could say I'm being a bit harsh but I'm telling the truth the way it is My reality with HIV....

On a positive note I am so very fortunate that I live in a amazing country Canada that has a public health care system and would never let me suffer and go with out the medication I need to live, that being said I have my meds paid for by health care and for that I know I am very fortunate indeed!!!!!

Some times I really do think that naming my Blog what I did was a very good name!!!
After all most of what I'm going through now is a direct or indirect cause of my alcohol and drug abuse, So if you think you might have a problem look for some one to talk to, you don't have to run out to a rehab hospital or the like right away, the first step is to talk to someone you trust and ask them to just listen.....Trust me when you get tired of it all and it becomes something you are aware is a possible problem you are on the right track........Have faith in your self and know that you are stronger than the drugs and alcohol, I know its hard trust me I know.....Its a fight that can be won

Email me if there is something you want to talk about any thing, I'm out there and willing to listen!!!
My email link is to the right------------>>>

I have to call it a day so much thinking about HIV can be very draining and its something on my mind all to often these days...
More about the side affects from these drugs and my pancreas operation that I'm soon going in hospital to have.....


Night Night....Peeps!!!!!

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Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Well after that couple of posts I am thinking I should say that all is not bad...I am and still here so that's good, I tell ya after some of the stuff I've been up to! I have had to be strong and think that I am to have come this far........

I'm not sure yet because its only been a week since I started the HIV meds but I think I have more energy! Yes and when I seem to have more energy its evan more important that I don't slip up.....Sometimes it seems that when I have a few good days I get overconfident and that leeds to going out to the clubs....I've only been out a few times the last month or so So I'm doing good....Its so very important to stay away from alcohol and party drugs, doubly for me now the meds can help me but mixed with booze that's very dangerous, and my pancreas well that goes with out saying......

About the meds I am really happy that I'm not feeling to many side affects, I don't seem to notice any now but I'm so used to feeling bad that I might not notice any...Its only been a week and I'm doing ok, So I'm happy.....Some guys get really sick vomiting diarrhea all kinds of things like that!
I have to be positive, no pun intended, all though every time I here the word positive I think about HIV....It sort of like a taboo word in the gay world.....It can be such a good word to how can something mean two completely different things, any hoo

I am trying to be positive, I notice after reading what I post here that it tends to be quite a bit negative, I'm not going to try and be someone I'm not and the truth seems to be a bit hard to take theses days but I'm going to try and see the good sides to what I'm doing in my life, Its going to be hard but I have to be positive, A big part of healing is good mental health....Its funny I wonder how many get that, I do forget allot of the time but I think its important.....

I don't know where I was going with this post I'm going into crazy mode these days........Working on my health and staying in 24/7 you have lots of time to think....
I'm not working now!, I lost my job at the bar I talked about.....Oh ya and just wait till I go on about that adventure there is lots to be told about working in a Gay Strip Bar I tell ya!!!!

Later all

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Oppps!!!!!!!!

My email was wrong!

The email link is now correct ------------->
To your right is how to reach me with one click how easy is that!

Night Night all its 12:30am and I was just up to take my pills, I'm having to get used to this every 12 hours three pills to live, sounds dramatic I know but if I screw this up its big trouble....The first two weeks are even more important to make sure you take them on time and don't mis any doses! If I do the HIV could mutate and the drugs would be worth less to me..Seen as I'm fighting to live with my pancreas as well I'm so more limited to the drugs because some I could take are very bad for the pancreas in fact some of them cause pancreatitis....Ouch My worst nightmare of many that I get this far in my battles in life and the pills I take to live kill me if I take them and I Die if I don't.....

SO remember take your meds on time and don't miss pill time...SO VERY important!!!!
I set my alarm to wake me in case I fall asleep and to remind me......The thing that really drives this al home is that the pills are a constant reminder that I have this HIV in my body...Before I could just forget now its on my mind all day I'm going mad and getting very upset and today I started to get angry I hope this passes I really do...
Hmmmmm

Night again I'm off to sleep and watch TV escape into fantasy land!!!!!!!!!

GayCanadainX,X,XPartyBoy<----------Hmmm na I don't think that works!! Do You?
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Monday, March 22, 2004

Wow has it been some time! I have been neglecting my Blog and I'm not really happy with my self, sure I can come up with many upon many excuses and believe me there are many!

Things Have been crazy for me, and not nearly as exciting as my trips to NYC an LA last fall....

My inspiration for starting this blog was to help those suffering from HIV and at the same time being Gay and having a problem with drinking and drugs....I was going to talk about my life partying and how it lead to my HIV status....

WELL how was I going to do that when I was drinking and doing drugs again, I don't know I think maybe that's why I stopped posting I felt tremendously guilty to the ones I wanted to help upset with myself

Is that a lame ass attempt to explain away not being here No....

I was and am in big big trouble and getting sick, my health was and is going no where but south down the drain....

So its March and I have sad news I'm on the verge of having AIDS, I'm so freaked!!!!!!!!

My CD4 count is 160????

The disaster I was so trying to amuse my self with! denying my life would never ever come to this. could it happen?.... I am so self destructive and being HIV+ is now hitting me ...I can't stop it and now I'm faced with the fact that I could die at any time, and I'm robbed from the one thing I used to take comfort in at times like this The bottle of BEER......If you have been following my life?Blog I also have Chronic Pancreatitis.....

Does that make sense I am just typing my thoughts as they come out of my brain and directly to blog...I have been bloging this way from the start I like it!

OH man I'm so scared guys and gals.....I'm on the cocktail now the antiretroviral drugs and I am freaked out they can be very very hard on your body and what if they don't work.....

ON top of it I have to have a operation on my pancreas next month and be in hospital for a few weeks.....I'm sort of happy about this because it will hopefully cure the problem or at least get rid of the pain for a while!

Ok Ok

deep breath I'm so alone and have no one to talk to who understands what I'm going through the feelings of hopelessness are over whelming and then there is the regret and the what ifs and the if it was only like that....

One good thing about all this is that I may just come out healthy and happy....
I think the HIV has been really making me sick for some time now and this operation will get rid of pain, I hope I will be able to work this summer

I'm such a scatter brain, I've been on the HIV drugs for 5 days now and believe me I was thinking I would be feeling very sick from the side effects but they seem to be mild so far, I have stayed home since so I'm not sure what I will feel like with some activity....
I'm going to bee here(BLog) more to share this time in my life....I'm very freaked and incredibly alone in this fight for my life...So I hope that by continuing with my blog I will be able to sort out some of what I'm going through and in turn share with others....

I will post more about the drugs and the operation I'm having later....

I put three new links to the right
MY email So let me know who is out there! And if there is anything I can do to help let me know I'm open to any questions!
I also put up two links to Toronto's HIV/AIDS resources, these places have helped me many times I also volunteer for ACT, So if your in Toronto get out there and help our community!!!
The Toronto People With AIDS Foundation and
The AIDS Committee of Toronto

That's all for now so Don't forget to email me and let me know if anyone still comes here from when I started this blog.....

I also would like suggestions to help improve my blog, a comment service, a update and registry for my readers would be good...anything that is not to hard to put in the template.....

Good Afternoon all

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