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Monday, December 27, 2004

I had a strange thought! I was thinking about next month and my operation I am having on my pancreas and I had a vision of myself waking up and saying I'm alive I made it! I know sounds strange but I seem to have strange thoughts but this one I saw in my head a actual visualization! I am an atheist to the max, In fact I don't think I believe in such things but there has been so many times! That I've had thoughts and a few days later I remember them and think wow how did I know this was going to happen or you know Dae sha vu! Not in the sense been there done that but wow I had thought about this before I envisioned myself doing this or being here! I know its just my mind playing tricks on me but now that I've had the though I will live threw it! I feel some what ok its a big operation and I'm scared as hell!

Ok like I said before I've been on this marathon tv show kick hey why not its freezing as a ice box here so who need to go out, my excuse and I'm sticking with it! So I'm watching one of are fab music video channels that have turned into slash reality tv shows! To Death Do us Part with Carmen Electra and Dave from Jane's Addiction! Well what do I see but Dave having an enema mmmm well like I need to see that! It makes me think, I mean I've gave myself my fare share of them for reasons obvious to any gay man! But to have another guy do it or a women yuk! The thing is there was this one time I was with a friend who is into fisting! He is also some what of a enema expert fitting I know! So seeing the after or the process and doing it to myself its enough for me but who can decide Hmmm I think I want to do this for a job lets pump out peoples asses all day woooo Hooo sounds like fun! Hey I guess it could be worse at least there still alive now could you imaging working in a morgue ewwww! My grandmother was a hair dresser for over 30 years Hey go figure I grew up in a hair parlor half my life! The stories I can tell you about a small town BC ladies getting there hair done! But back to my dear old Grandmother I miss her so much! She was the only one in my childhood life that cared! Anyway she would tell me how she spent 40 years doing these ladies hair and then helped at the end and did there hair when they died! I remember her saying how peaceful they looked! Now I wonder who did her hair! I hope it was beautiful! Seen as she spent her entire life helping people to look beautiful and never thinking once about her self! I hope one day to get to see her at her grave I never found out she had died till six months after! On christmas day of all days! It was a bad bad day! I was in shock and mourned for months! Till this day every time I wash my hair or think about her! So many things remind me of her I miss her so!

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