<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Ok its not by my choice more by my poor behavior in the financial department, I do have to declare I have gone with out my daily box of fruit loops for three days now!

I swear last night I was constantly thinking about the fact I didn't have five friking dollars to go buy some! Was it the fact I was broke that I am upset about or am I on a fruit loop addiction withdrawal here!

Fruit loop count till this day is 2 this week and at least 4 last week

total fruit loops 6 boxes as of today
other miscellanies cereals
Corn Pops 1 box 2 boxes in the past few weeks

I tell ya I'm out there to get money owed me and the first thing I'm doing is getting me a box of them tasty lovely round fruity loops!

So now that I've told you all about my self in a more delving profound way lets get into my brain further shall we!

So after feeling incredibly sorry for my self and coming to this realization, I'm not well and I need to focus on my health first and forth most or I wont make it another year! I feel it! So its the bed for me and rest for the foreseeable future! I was so in the not the past few days I spent five days in bed only getting up to eat and take my meds go shopping for Fruit Loops, I tell you that shower I took when I finally did, felt good it was incredible I had almost got used to that nasty smell, you guys I'm sure know what I mean if you have been not so inclined to bath for a while it gets nasty! So I'm feeling good today the pain is minimal from my pancreatic cysts and the hiv seem to be ok, that I can tell by how swollen my glands are in my face under my chin! When I push my self and feel stressed they are the first thing to let me know I'm pushing it! Any poz guy/gal will relate to me on that one!

So life goes on, I really am serious about my life though, You have to be well to have a life and I tell you I've worked to hard to loose what I have to party party again if you know what I mean! Anyone watching the news the last few days will know what I'm talking about, its not for me...I learned that years ago in Vancouver! Trust me I am to good to go down the rode and hang of the old chandelier again if you know what I mean! Because if I let my self go down this time I know there will be know coming back!

So its time to clean house the only way to get bad things out is to get rid of them in your life! So no more Party Promotions for me for the time being! I had thought that I could work out side of the club scene sort of on the side lines! Make some extra cash and get on with it! But trust me its not that easy! Its very self evident to anyone who has been there! IF you work a party you are around the party people! There are the smart ones out there who make all the cash and have fab life's avoid the drugs and alcohol basically make hordes of cash of others addictions ect! Trust me I struggled with the morality of it all pushing parties and bars and then thinking about all the guys who are going down the path I have! It burns my ass big time I have been the utmost of a hypocrite and I have to get on it and fix everything again!

Cleaning house! Yes I am!

First thing I'm doing is, Well done it cleaned out my Body! Thank God I'm ok
Second delete delete phone #'s trust me the ones you call when you are out at a club and you what that little extra sumin sumin! Gone!

Plus all the hanger on types that I supported this summer by giving them work...Nothing but dependent drug addicted go no ware fools with no life's Harsh yes put when you are telling a 42 year old to get out a bed and get to work at noon there is something wrong there please yell at me again for calling you to get your ass out a bed! Nope...Gone....Back stabbing bitches all of them anyway who needs them! Done it been there your out a here!

Work, I'm still going to help out with fundraising events and continue to give to my community! I'm proud to say I have helped bring in Thousands upon thousands of dollars to my community, Mostly to The Aids Committee of Toronto and The People with Aids Foundation of Toronto...This will never stop in fact I'm doing research into starting a huge kick ass celebration of life next pride here in Toronto and I hope to make tens of thousands of dollars for Aids research and to give to my community once again! Its going to be big and new and Fab trust me! Look here for updates on the biggest event ever to hit Toronto next year! During Pride 25,2005 here in Toronto!

So its something like this when I talk about house cleaning
I've been not well this last week spent all last week in bed! I'm ok this week, Slowly feeling ok..Its a combination of several things like my pancreas(pain) and other health issues and on top of it I've been very down the last few weeks can't seem to get out of the blues I've been very upset with several people I've had around me of late mostly work related issues....I've just been upset with the and not impressed with the kind of people I find myself around, mostly the bottom feeder as I'm calling them that worked me this summer for most of the money I had coming in and not doing there jobs and expecting money and I found that once the work was not there these so called friends are not around and now spreading rumors around the community even to my doctor among others, this one a particular problem, I've helped some of these guys beyond most this past summer and now find myself being spit on! To make a long story short I've reevaluated my friendships and who I choose to have around me and now find myself some what at peace although some what feeling a bit tattered for the experience....

This is my new and I think good attitude, the way others will be treated by me! You give to others and to me and then I will give to you! Some thing like that! If you are my friend that's all I need but if you suck my energy you are gone! No thank You I'm #1 and that's that! So this is not something I have not figured out in the past just seem to forget for some reason! I'm a nice guy and there fore let my guard down to many times! You know that friend you have who talks to everyone, you get the looks like why are you with him or your to good for them ect. Well I'm not letting them bring me down and I refuse to get bitter, just a little more careful and just a tad more judgmental I have my life at stake here stress can kill a guy who is poz fast and I don't need it so with this reinforced philosophy on board and loaded in again I'm out there to live life and spread happy happy around!

want to see what I'm lookin at online its not light reading but what I get of on the human brain, study of us ect.

Oxytocin (OXT), a neurohypophyseal hormone, may act as a neuromodulator on dopaminergic neurotransmission in limbic-basal forebrain structures to regulate adaptive CNS processes leading to drug addiction.

I'm outz


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