<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Hmmm I'm thinking about what I have named this blog and about changing the name! Its not so much who I am anymore! I don't party any more and I have come to deal with the past and what effects it had on my body and health! Plus there is the fact that I'm very busy pushing parties promoting events (now producing) you name it from out there at 4 in the morning pasting up posters all over the gaybourhood!

So does this make me a hypocrite or not! calling myself X party Boy, I don't know! I want to keep the name I'm thinking just because so many know about it now, you can't put anything in google that has anything to do with gay and not find my blog in the first few pages its funny, I did a search for my actual name on line and the MarthaTalks web site came up first how fitting is that. The site that Martha Stewart has to relate and to convey her thoughts to her loving fans me being one of them, She is a calm in the storm for me when I watch her on TV...I'm sad though because I can't find the show on the air anymore....But for one US channel that has it on at 3 in the morning.....I can't wait for her to get out of jail and be the TV mom she is to all of us and to brighten up the day with all the good things she has to share! Really you say! It's true I am a big fan you could say! + I love good things not that I can afford to buy 99% of the things on her show but I can look, and the way things are going as of late the only thing that will get in my way to success is this dam cold(weather)! I tell you its a bitch when you are doing 98% of your work outside, I had one new guy helping me last night and he just up and quit in an hour! He calls me "I don't want to do this sorry!" I'm like ok buddy! He brings all the posters paste ect. Back to me and then waits there like ok where is my money for the hour I worked! Hmmm so I gave him the money and said goodbye! He told me it was to messy or not fun please! Give me a break! Screw them all the ones out there who are lazy I mean really I'm trying to make things for me happen and along the way spread the wealth among others I'm very very tired of lazy ass people who are just along for the ride to hitch on the wave of my success and get what ever they can for nothing! I can't tell you how many time I've felt the last few weeks like people I've offered work to who most wouldn't bother to are taking advantage of me! Really though its not bad but I can't help feeling this way! I'll see how it is! I'm thinking about taking up some offers I have to go to California or To MĆ©xico for the Winter! Now how cool would that be! Any one on here reading this want to offer to host me for a few days! I'm serious I'm freezing my cute but of up here! I know I'm very fortunate to be in this country but at times I wish my family had come from warmer parts...

Ok I've vented and feel better after all that's what your blog is good for at times to get things of your chest! Plus I'm stressed I have a doctor appointment in a week to talk to my surgeon about the operation I'm going to have on my pancreas this winter some time I've been putting it of but my family doc keeps telling me I have to get this taken care of before I end up in a worse of shape he said to me he is concerned about the amount of pain killers I'm on! I've been told by one doctor that the pain I'm in is only comparable to cancer, if you think about it its a similar disease growth of tissue in my case I have cysts that are growing in me the size of a large apple at the biggest I one the size of a grapefruit a few years ago! Lets put it this way the amount I'm taking a day would knock out the average person for days if they took the same amount! But for me when your in pain big time it just goes to the pain and blocks it! The thought of having my stomach cut open from top to bottom scares the hell out of me we are talking about a week in the hospital and three plus weeks in recovery! They are going to go in and cut a hole in the back side of my stomach and then cut the pancreas where the cysts are and stitch them together my stomach and pancreas so the fluids that are building up in the cysts will drain into my stomach and out of my body! Sounds dramatic but seriously it is I have been in denial for months about the entire prospect of the whole thing! I finally stopped drinking in excess and thought hoped that that would be enough but it hasn't I have damaged myself to no repair! So this is my state of mind at 4:30 in the morning! Its been a stressful few days with so much demand on my time and my inability to just say no to more work is getting problematic! A dear friend of mine said to me just say no! I'm going to and that's that I can only do so much! I'm going to go to bed now so take care of your self every one and remember your the only one that has to answer to your self at the end of the day so don't take your life for granted because it can all of a sudden be in jeopardy! Life is fragile take it from some one who knows, Who just got over a nasty cold! That would of took days to get over if I was not immune compromised as they like to so eloquently put it in certain circles!

Every breath should be valued because life can be taken away from you in a moment its precious and deserves to be treated so! I only hope that anyone reading this learns this lesson sooner that later because when it gets to the point when your older and just figuring this out you are inevitably struck with painful thoughts of regret and sadness!

On that note I'm of to bed...Long day ahead of me I can't wait till next Saturday, I'm so so so excited about this big event I'm doing! I was at Woody's tonight to see the best legs show and they talked about the event and I was all smiles from ear to ear! And felt so very proud of myself and my friends who are there with me to make this happen!

Night night all

I'm outz!


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