<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Monday, March 22, 2004

Wow has it been some time! I have been neglecting my Blog and I'm not really happy with my self, sure I can come up with many upon many excuses and believe me there are many!

Things Have been crazy for me, and not nearly as exciting as my trips to NYC an LA last fall....

My inspiration for starting this blog was to help those suffering from HIV and at the same time being Gay and having a problem with drinking and drugs....I was going to talk about my life partying and how it lead to my HIV status....

WELL how was I going to do that when I was drinking and doing drugs again, I don't know I think maybe that's why I stopped posting I felt tremendously guilty to the ones I wanted to help upset with myself

Is that a lame ass attempt to explain away not being here No....

I was and am in big big trouble and getting sick, my health was and is going no where but south down the drain....

So its March and I have sad news I'm on the verge of having AIDS, I'm so freaked!!!!!!!!

My CD4 count is 160????

The disaster I was so trying to amuse my self with! denying my life would never ever come to this. could it happen?.... I am so self destructive and being HIV+ is now hitting me ...I can't stop it and now I'm faced with the fact that I could die at any time, and I'm robbed from the one thing I used to take comfort in at times like this The bottle of BEER......If you have been following my life?Blog I also have Chronic Pancreatitis.....

Does that make sense I am just typing my thoughts as they come out of my brain and directly to blog...I have been bloging this way from the start I like it!

OH man I'm so scared guys and gals.....I'm on the cocktail now the antiretroviral drugs and I am freaked out they can be very very hard on your body and what if they don't work.....

ON top of it I have to have a operation on my pancreas next month and be in hospital for a few weeks.....I'm sort of happy about this because it will hopefully cure the problem or at least get rid of the pain for a while!

Ok Ok

deep breath I'm so alone and have no one to talk to who understands what I'm going through the feelings of hopelessness are over whelming and then there is the regret and the what ifs and the if it was only like that....

One good thing about all this is that I may just come out healthy and happy....
I think the HIV has been really making me sick for some time now and this operation will get rid of pain, I hope I will be able to work this summer

I'm such a scatter brain, I've been on the HIV drugs for 5 days now and believe me I was thinking I would be feeling very sick from the side effects but they seem to be mild so far, I have stayed home since so I'm not sure what I will feel like with some activity....
I'm going to bee here(BLog) more to share this time in my life....I'm very freaked and incredibly alone in this fight for my life...So I hope that by continuing with my blog I will be able to sort out some of what I'm going through and in turn share with others....

I will post more about the drugs and the operation I'm having later....

I put three new links to the right
MY email So let me know who is out there! And if there is anything I can do to help let me know I'm open to any questions!
I also put up two links to Toronto's HIV/AIDS resources, these places have helped me many times I also volunteer for ACT, So if your in Toronto get out there and help our community!!!
The Toronto People With AIDS Foundation and
The AIDS Committee of Toronto

That's all for now so Don't forget to email me and let me know if anyone still comes here from when I started this blog.....

I also would like suggestions to help improve my blog, a comment service, a update and registry for my readers would be good...anything that is not to hard to put in the template.....

Good Afternoon all

|

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?



Powered by FeedBlitz