<$BlogRSDUrl$> Gay Canadian X Party Boy

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

About the banner for boys condo, A few
years ago when I was really sic they helped give me this computer that I use to blog, Great guys that run the place here in Toronto,

Wow I'm over 2000 visits to my life, from places all over the world, Welcome and thanks for stopping in on me!

Email me at

gaycanadianxpartyboy@hotmail.com

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It has been a long time and I'm not sure why I seem to have lost my motivation to blog, to tell the truth that's not what it is, the fact being that , I lost the meaning behind what I started here, notably the X party boy ideal that I was trying to live by...As of late I've been anything but, So Should I name this blog X X Party boy, At the same time I say to my self well You deserve to go out You need to be around other gay men, But do I really, it seems to me that I end up drunk alone at the end of the night with my trusty hand as the faithful companion that I would really rather have not the pleasure of committing to..
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Hmmm new year, I have never really tried to make a resolution, I should try, A life style change, how clichƩ Hump, I once read that one should not set them selves up in this way the resolution that is made is often unrealistic and there fore sets you up for failure and that's not some thing I need made so more obvious than my life seems as of late....

So where do I go from here, I cant seem to figure out what to do! I think some times that I'm just pathetically lazy in life, I don't know....
Its surprising though I do feel in a good mood today, and that's been a very rare state for me, I do know that December is a very hard time for me and I think that I'm happy that its all over, all that merry merry blah shoved down my throught, Did you have a good holiday, ya right In bed trying to hide from the world till its all over with...Thank goodness its over for another year, I am thank full for the fact that I have made it this far, 30 and 2004 a few years ago when I tested HIV+ I thought I would be gone by now, So the new year is upon us and I think I will try to make a few changes but just small ones that might lead to bigger changes, I think this is the sensible way to go about it....

One good thing, I haven't talked about this but I have had a lot of problems with one Room mate and he is gone in two months Yaa Hoo, Oh man I'm so tired of 20 something children, you all know the kind that thinks your apartment cleans it self, He is learning a lesson the hard way, pick your battles wisely, I may have lost a few of the fights but I won the war....

Ok On with my day...
To A happy New Year, New room mates, and Health and long life for sure....

Im going to try and be here more, I feel inspired to share more.....

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Sunday, December 07, 2003

Wow Have I been not here in a while! I've been busy screwing my life up as per usual, what can I say other than when I'm behaving my self it shows here by me posting more often, when I'm up to no good it seems my posts are far and few between, Not sure what I have to do to get my life in order, I think I need help from some one! The drinking seems to be getting worse the last few months...I hate to admit that I can't get control over my life and that I might need help , I'm going to think and get back here later.....
I'm thinking a lot of it has to do with being so alone....What I would do to have love in my life or at least some one to be with!
Humphhhh
Christmas is here I can't stand it Just a big kick in the head for me Reminds me how alone I really am...
Life goes on sure enough, at least I have that to count on for now....
Could it all be right there in front of me? I'm thinking! But how could it be that easy...
Should I just let it happen, if only I had some answers, should I let it in, some one really know me, is that the answer?....



Night Night....

Email me at

gaycanadianxpartyboy@hotmail.com

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